Yin and Yang [A Superhero AU] - Book Three

Chapter Thirty-Five - Gone

Dan's body bursts into flames and Phil does the only thing he can think of: scream. Phil screams and races forward, the very sky crumbling and falling around him like pieces of broken glass. He manages about three strides before Felix grabs the back of his suit and holds him back, alarm written on his face.

"Let me go!" Phil yells, fighting the Swede's grasp. He can feel tears flooding down his face and a sob forces itself out of his chest, the sound ragged and painful. He screams and sobs and kicks at Felix, eyes trained on Dan's burning body. He can save him! If Felix would just let him go, he could save him! He's still alive!

What will he do if Dan is dead?

"Can I get reinforcements? Phil's in shock," Felix demands into his earpiece. He drags him backwards and Phil fights him, finally breaking free of his grasp and taking two steps forward before falling to his knees. He can't tear his eyes away.

Dan is dead and Phil's universe is tearing apart at the seams.

Dan is dead and Phil can't breathe.

Dan is dead and the world is too cruel to kill Phil too.

Strong arms wrap around Phil's midsection and haul him to his feet, and he wants to fight but his screams and sobs sap his strength. He sobs until he retches and screams until his throat is raw and he can barely make a sound, his head spinning from a lack of oxygen. The only person he wants right now is Dan, and Dan is currently being consumed by the very thing he used to control.

Phil can't breathe.

Phil's bones ache.

Phil's heart hurts more than he can even explain.

Dan's ashes fall from the sky like snow during the summertime.

Phil falls to his knees again and balls his hands into fists, pressing his forehead to the cold concrete beneath him. Nobody can help him because he never told anyone about Dan. Nobody can console him because nothing they say will make any difference.

In the very depths of his being, he can feel that his soulmate just died.

"Matthias, what do I do?" Felix pleads.

"He's going to pass out soon. Let him, and then bring him back," Matthias replies.

Phil barely hears them. His screams weaken and taper off, the world slipping into a peaceful, quiet blackness.

"I want to go out majestically. Like, if I'm an old man, I want to climb onto my own funeral pyre and light it."

Phil watches Dan, an amused look on his face. "You won't even be dead yet."

"I'll sense that it's my time and then be like, 'goodbye, family, I am ascending to the next life'." Dan grins and proceeds to sing a botched version of 'Ave Maria', accompanied by a hand-butterfly. Phil covers his face and tries to contain his laughter, but fails.

"Can you imagine your grandkids like, 'Grandpa, no! Why are you like this!'" Phil replies.

Dan devolves into laughter, holding his stomach. He rolls over and pulls the blankets off of Phil, leading the hero to tug them back. Dan comes with them and ends up in his original position, eyes twinkling. A huge, childish grin brightens his face, and Phil leans over and presses a kiss to his forehead.

"You'll have to hold our grandkids back, Phil. I'm going to go through with this plan," Dan states matter-of-factly.

Phil's heart flutters. "Our grandkids?"

"Of course."

Phil grins and kisses Dan's lips, and there's nothing else he'd rather do or anywhere else he'd rather be than right here in their bed, kissing a beautiful boy that he loves more than life itself.

Phil wakes up into a living nightmare.

The hospital ward is cold and metallic, the machine by his bed beeping along with the beat of his heart. He blinks a few times and remembrance comes flooding back, causing his heart monitor to start beeping faster and faster. He exhales sharply and starts tugging at the wires he's attached to, his head spinning. He starts to sob and gasp again, the sound painful and scratchy and heartbreaking. His heart monitor is like an alarm, and the faster is beeps the more panicked he gets.

Matthias enters and Phil doesn't even look over, still trying desperately to disconnect himself from these machines. Frustrated, heartbroken tears flow down his face, and more than anything he wants the emptiness in his chest to go away.

"Phil, please try to calm down," Matthias says, his voice more gentle than Phil has ever heard.

The Brit looks at him and tries to scrub the tears from his face, but it's hopeless. They just keep falling. Matthias walks over to the heart monitor and turns it off, filling the room with silence. Phil watches him, his grief threatening to swallow him whole right before Matthias' eyes.

"So... what happened out there?" he asks, sitting on the edge of the Brit's bed. "You had a pretty intense breakdown."

Phil almost says it, but the words get stuck in his throat. Instead, he croaks, "I've been straining myself a lot. I-I think that just pushed me over the edge."

Matthias exhales and folds his hands in his lap. Phil barely believes himself, so he's completely surprised when Matthias doesn't raise any questions. Instead, the hero's lips twitch into the faintest of smiles before falling away. "I get that. We're all straining ourselves, but it's unfortunately necessary right now."

Phil can't even reply. He holds his hands in his lap so Matthias doesn't see them shaking and bites his bottom lip, trying to fight back another flood of tears. "Can I go home now?"

Matthias smiles weakly at him. "If you're ready, go ahead. And, if you need the day off tomorrow, you can take it. I won't blame you."

Phil shakes his head. Staying at home alone tomorrow, knowing that Dan will never come back, will kill him. At least work is a distraction. "It's okay, Matt. I'll be at work tomorrow."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Matthias nods and stands, folding his hands behind his back. "Well, in that case I'll see you tomorrow."

Phil nods and watches the other hero leave before tugging the wires off of his body and grabbing his bag. He takes the long way home, trying to think of anything but Dan. It still feels unreal, like it couldn't have really happened. Maybe he'll get home and Dan will be there, playing piano or making food in the kitchen. The fact that he's a villain and Phil's a hero has never interfered with their home life before, so why should it interfere now?

Phil reaches his front door and puts his hand on the knob, but doesn't turn it. The moment he opens this door, the illusion will break. He won't be able to pretend that Dan is inside like he usually is. He won't be able to imagine a house full of life like he is right now. He won't be able to pretend that today was just some crazy, psychotic nightmare. He doesn't know if he's able to face reality yet.

He stands there in front of the door for a long time, his heart pounding in his ears. Then, with a deep breath, he pushes the door open to reveal a quiet, dark house. There's no music coming from their bedroom. The TV is off. The kitchen is still and silent.

Phil bursts into tears.