Yin and Yang [A Superhero AU] - Book Three

Chapter Thirty-Eight - One Week

Phil has a week before the heroes fight the villains one last time, starting with Wednesday and ending on Wednesday.

On the evening of that first day, Phil finally faces his bedroom for the first time.  He can't keep sleeping on the couch.  With shaking hands and a racing heart, he approaches the door of the room that him and Dan shared for so long.  It taunts him, standing open and inviting him in when the last thing he wants to do is go in and confirm that yes, it's just his bedroom again. He forces his feet forward and crosses the threshold into the room, the memories hitting him like a flood. The entire room smells like them and all the time they spent in this room together. The bed is unmade and there are clothes on the floor, and it's so reminiscent of their relationship that Phil almost crumples. He takes a few shallow breaths and approaches the bed, crawling carefully under the covers and dry sobbing as Dan's scent envelops him.

The hollowness in his heart aches as he buries his face in Dan's pillow and shuts his eyes. He wants to cry, but he can't get physical tears to fall. He dry sobs, however, and somehow that's worse.

He falls asleep in their bed, trying to imagine that Dan is beside him again.

On Thursday, Phil leaves his contacts in the pot beside the sink and wears his glasses instead.

On Friday morning, after a particularly bad sleep plagued with nightmares, Phil drags himself out of bed and shuffles to the kitchen, cramming his glasses on his face as he goes. Yawning and blinking slowly, he starts boiling water in the kettle and pulls two mugs down from the cabinets, setting them down with a gentle clink. He grabs a teabag and the canister of hot chocolate, his brain only half-awake as he operates on autopilot. He makes both drinks and picks them up, heading for the bedroom.

"Dan—"

Realization hits him like a freight train travelling at high speeds. Phil freezes in place and the mug of hot chocolate falls from his fingers, shattering the moment it hits the floor. His heart stops in his chest, and the only thing that breaks him out of his momentary trance is the hot liquid splattering his feet. He curses, something he rarely does, and steps away from the mess.

Appetite gone, he sets his mug of tea aside. He cleans up the mess, his eyes burning with unshed tears and his heart beating painfully in his chest, before heading to the ensuite bathroom. He brushes his teeth and washes up, not because he cares but because he needs to hide the fact that he's falling apart, and gets dressed.

On his way out, he throws the hot chocolate powder in the garbage with all the candles and the pieces of broken mug. He'll probably never drink hot chocolate again anyway, so what's the point? He tucks the garbage can away, grabs his bag, and heads out the door, leaving a cup of lukewarm tea sitting on the counter.

On Saturday and Sunday, Phil works himself to exhaustion at Curatrix. Matthias ends up forcing him to go home both days, worry evident on his face.

Monday morning, Phil calls in sick.  Of course, he's not actually sick.  He just can't get out out of bed. He spends his entire day under his covers, and for the first time in days, he actually manages to cry. He cries long and hard, and his pillow gets so soaked with tears that he has to use Dan's.

On Tuesday, Phil heads to Curatrix and helps the other heroes finalize their plans. He feels anxious, but not for himself. He feels anxious for the others because he doesn't want any of them to lose loved ones and he doesn't want their loved ones to lose them. He knows how it feels, and if he can spare anyone from that pain he will.  If something were to happen to him, on the other hand, nobody would really care. Sure, they may feel sad for a bit, but they'll move on. They'll hug their significant other, cry a little bit, and get on with their lives.  They would still have so much to live and fight for.  If Dan was still alive, he would have far more to live and fight for too.

If something happened to Phil, it would certainly be no great loss.  

That night, he expects nightmares. Instead, he has his first pleasant dream in a very long time.

Dan and Phil sit on the couch, the villain pressing slow kisses to the side of Phil's neck as some mindless show plays in the background. He kisses from his shoulder to his neck to his cheek, brushing his nose against the hero's ear. Phil flushes, his fingers digging into Dan's hips.

"You tease," he grumbles, but he's not in the slightest bit annoyed.  Dan is warm and beautiful and funny, and who can really whine if they have a boy like that kissing them?

Dan grins cheekily, his brown eyes shining, and runs his thumb along Phil's jaw. "I'm sorry, did you want me to stop?"

Phil gives him a look and exhales, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "No, keep going."

Dan presses his lips to the small patch of skin behind Phil's ear before moving to his jaw, his fingers slipping beneath his shirt and pressing against the hero's abdomen. Phil turns his head, catching Dan's lips in a kiss of his own. It doesn't take long for the kiss to get heated, and before they know it Phil has the villain pinned between his arms.

"I love you," Dan utters with such sincerity that Phil's heart leaps.

"I love you too."

When Phil wakes up, alone in his dark bedroom, he realizes that the pleasant dreams are the cruellest ones of all.

By the time Wednesday rolls around, Phil is prepared for whatever the world throws at him because he has absolutely nothing to lose.