things i can't (l.s)

Chapter 10

Harry's POV:

Another day.

I arose out of my bed and instantly felt the same resistance to get out of it that I did everyday. Life to me was just something that I had to get through. There was no pleasure, no fun, no will to go on another day.

"So why do you?" The voice in my head asked.

I finally gained the mental strength to walk to the bathroom and wash my face and do the normal morning bathroom stuff. As I stripped out of my pjs to put on my school clothes, I looked into the mirror that always haunted me.

Fat, fat, fat. All you are is fat. Look at the skin that hangs from your stomach, thighs, arms. You disgust me. You better go on a run today- you really need it, you worthless piece of shit. You think Louis is going to go for a guy as fat and ugly as you? Try again. Maybe workout sometime and lose some weight before you start thinking about Louis again.

So, it was going to be one of those days. I know it's going to be a bad day when the first thing I do is criticize myself. To further immerse in my self-loathing, I pulled the scale out of the cabinet and stepped on. The number I saw made me feel sick.

I've only lost four pounds since the last time I weighed myself.

I couldn't believe at what a failure I was. How could I have ever let myself get this huge? I knew it was because my mom watched me eat my dinner last night after Louis had come over. I had actually eaten it without much thought- the whole talk with Lou made me feel a lot less anxious around food last night. I couldn't let my guard down like that again. I need to not eat as fucking much. And especially if I want Louis to like me more, I need to be perfect. He only deserves perfection.

I take one last look into the mirror, grimacing at it, and finally ease my clothes onto my body. I feel hot tears pour down my cheeks as I think about the number on the scale, but I wipe them away when I check the time and realize I'm going to be late. I knew my mood today was going to be extra terrible.

~

Walking into the hormone-filled halls, I try and catch my breath, but it's not as hard to as most days. I actually feel a lot less tired today since I did actually eat something last night, but I wouldn't let this minor energy spike slow me down from losing weight. I didn't care if I had no energy left, I wouldn't eat. I'd rather be crawling on the floor than be fat.

Fourth period finally came around and I was so happy. I could finally see Lou. Briskly, I stepped into Mr. Brooklyn's classroom, and sat at my usual desk. I waited for Louis to come sit own next to me. Before I knew it, the ocean eyes I'd grown so incredibly attracted to, met my gaze. Lou walked over to his desk beside me with a smile. And as happy as I was to see him, the number on the scale kept running through my brain. I gave Lou a small, crooked smile back as he turned his head to reach down for his books. Mr. Brooklyn came in and started his utterly boring lecture on the way that Huckleberry Finn started all modern American literature. Inevitably, my eyes longed to feast upon Louis' angelic face. They longed to take in those perfect cheekbones as they moved up and down when Lou chewed on his fruity gum.

His kisses must taste just like fruit too.

By the time class was over, I had already felt my mood increase. Just watching Louis take notes was all I needed to feel okay for a bit. Louis and I exchanged a few words, however he told me he needed immediately to go to the library to check out Huckleberry Finn. I didn't know if he was going to come back and see me at lunch today where he found me the day we met, but I hoped he did. I headed towards the door I usually go to and pulled out my pack of cigarettes.

Zayn' POV:

Harry and Louis were talking in English today. Again. What the fuck did they both not understand when I told them to stay the fuck away from each other? It was time to teach Harry a fucking lesson about talking to other people. I watched him closely as we exited the classroom and followed him outside the doors, through the courtyard, and out by the gym. I watched as he headed out the door near the gym. He was really in for it this time.

Harry's POV:

The door opened just a few seconds after I had gone out. I knew it was probably Louis, so I turned my head and softly smiled up at the figure standing above me. But it wasn't Louis. It was Zayn. How could he have known where I was? Did Louis tell him? Just as the thoughts of Louis went through my head, a punch from Zayn was received.

"You fucking faggot! I told you not to talk to my fucking friends. What am I going to have to do to you to make you realize that you can't have anyone?" Zayn spat as he kicked me in the ribs.

I looked up at him desperately and said, "Louis told me you weren't friends."

"He told you what?" Zayn laughed and spoke again, "Then why was he sitting with me at lunch on Monday?"

Louis told me they weren't friends. I didn't believe Zayn. Louis must have just figured out what a douche Zayn was when he sat with them. There's no other explanation unless Louis really is just making our entire friendship up. I tried to hold back the tears from the hesitation I was feeling towards Louis true intention.

"Listen to me, you little bitch. Louis will never like you. He isn't a fucking fag like you. You disgust me. Next time you think of talking to Louis again, remind yourself to instead jump in front of a train." He gave me a sickly devious smile and prepared to hit me again.

Just as I was about to be punched again in the face, something went wrong and nothing touched me. Suddenly though, I felt a familiar numbness that I get when I pass out. Everything around me went black.

Louis' POV:

I got my book from the librarian. She was rather sweet, unlike my old librarians at my other school. After that, I held the hard copy of Huckleberry Finn in my hand, and was on my way to go see Harry again. I hoped he didn't mind my joining him at lunch as he smoked. It was weird though, last time I saw him at lunch, he didn't have any food- he just... smoked. I wondered what the story was about that. I decided to ask him about it later and put that to the back of my mind when I saw Zayn outside where Haz was.

Oh fuck.

I walked closer to the windowed door and saw a bleeding Harry on the ground, Zayn hovering over him.

I heard Zayn's voice as I opened the door.

"...Next time you think of talking to Louis, remind yourself to instead jump in front of a train."

And just as he was about to strike Harry, my Harry, again, I was on top of Zayn. I punched him as hard as I could in the face and he was out cold. I was immediately relieved when I saw that my angel, I-I mean, Harry, was breathing. I took him in my arms and rushed him to the nurse.