things i can't (l.s)

Chapter 1

The day began as it always did for Harry Styles- unwelcome and unpredictable. Days began to flow together, making nothing in Harry's life seem worthwhile. He saw everything as just something he had to get through. Maybe that's why some days- the harder ones, he thought about what would happen if he didn't have to get through another day. Hard days happened too often though, especially the days where the bullies would pick fights with him. Even though, calling these encounters "fights" is kind of an over statement. They weren't fights. Harry would just take the name calling, the punches, the pushes, and the pain because let's face it- he had to. He couldn't fight back. He was so weak from rarely eating anything except the food that he had to eat to keep his mother off his back. Luckily for him, his mom was rarely home any ways. Since Robin left, Anne had been trying to find a man that would make her and Harry happy. Unfortunately though, she didn't see that what she really needed to do to make Harry happy was to actually be home. And to see that he wasn't okay... He hadn't been okay for a long time.

Lackadaisically, Harry stretched out and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with his sweater. He always had to wear sweaters whenever Anne was actually home so she wouldn't see the endless scars that decorated Harry's forearms. Some were red and recent, some were white and wound up just like they all would- another story to never be told. At least, that's what Harry thought. He couldn't bear the thought of anyone knowing just how fucked up he was. After all, it's not like anyone would help. If anyone found out about Harry and his secrets, Harry could guarantee that he would get bullied even more than he does now.

He made his way into the shower and rinsed off his tragically tiny body. Although, "tiny" definitely wasn't the word Harry would describe his body as. All he could see was fat lining his arms, legs, tummy, and everywhere else. Every time he looked into the mirror, all he saw was nothing but a worthless excuse of a man. Of course, what the reality was, was that Harry was extremely skinny. His bones looked like they were screaming to be let out of his skin. His eyes were lined with purple and red- from the lack of sleep and the lack of nourishment. His body temperature was so low that the white scars on his body turned red as if he was standing in a freezing cold wind storm. He looked so sick... How could nobody have noticed?

Harry made his way downstairs after the shower where his mother gave him a smile and tossed him a granola bar. (Of course, he wouldn't eat it.) He kissed his mum on the cheek and just as he was about to leave, Anne reminded him that she was going out with a new man tonight. It was a Friday after all, and Harry wasn't exactly surprised. He was however, glad because that meant that he could carry out any of his self destructive behaviours out in peace while she was away.

Harry climbed onto his trusty red mountain bike and sped off to school. Of course, this was his way of exercising without anyone questioning him. So he went as fast as he could to burn as many calories as possible and once he got to school, he locked his bike up and walked into the building. The hallways were just as they always were- smelling of hormones, sweat and fear... Well, in Harry's case at least.  He walked as quietly as he could to his first period class, careful not to be seen by Zayn and the rest of his pets.

First period was math which is always a bore, but thankfully Zayn doesn't grace Harry with his presence until fourth period English. Harry made his way to second and third period, swift-fully note taking and trying as hard as he could to stay motivated. It was so hard for him since he was constantly drowning in his depression, but on good days he does okay. He knows in order for his mum to not worry or find out about anything, that he has to stay on top of his school work no matter how difficult it is for him.

As third period ended, fourth had rolled around. & little did Harry know exactly what was waiting for him as he walked into that classroom...