Self

She

Smile she tells herself every morning. She wonders to herself 'why? No one even notices it's fake.' Everyday she walks through those dammed school doors with that fake smile plastered on her face, the feature seeming so familiar to her she forgot how it felt to really smile. She knows she can't ever be angry, it just upsets the balance. Happy is the only thing she can be at school, not hurt or broken like she really is. If someone truly looks into her eyes maybe they'll notice they're no longer sparkling and glowing with warmth, but have a dull haunted look to them. What happened to her you ask, well even she doesn't know. Could it be all of her break ups and heart breaks have finally caught up to her? Or the overwhelming pressures and standards set upon her by her parents, or just the fact that she simply doesn't want to live. It's all of the above, the worst part is she's completely and utterly alone with no one to confide in, no one who understands her. Being alone is one of the worst forms of torture in her opinion. One day she tells herself what's the point of living and building myself up only to get torn down again constantly. Why should she, so she decides she doesn't want to live alone and broken forever, yet as she finishes writing her letters and the pills in her hands she stops. She can't leave her baby brother, what would he think of her if his big sister killed herself, that she was a coward who couldn't handle life? Well, I️ mean, he wouldn't be wrong but it's the older sisters' job to always prove him wrong. She wants to admit herself into a mental hospital or to at least start seeing a therapist regularly, but she can't tell her parents. She's stuck in this limbo and doesn't know what to do, so she just holds her breath and goes under to wait, maybe she can come back up.