Self

no

feels [2]
Pain. Darkness. Suffering. This is what it is to feel when your own father tells you that he's given up on you. He's done with you. Legitimately does not love you anymore, that's what this is. The feelings caused by that realization, that fact, is pain. Hurt. Do I deserve it? Some might say I don't, a father should never stop loving any of his children for any reason how ever severe it may be, and that a child should have the love of his or her father unconditionally, you can always lean back on him to be there for you and protect and hold you, but he's not for me anymore. I kept pushing him away until finally he left me helpless and alone because of reasons of my own. My fault my problem my issues. I don't know how to balance these anymore, things keep adding up, and one day although I think that day already happened I'll break and collapse and he won't be there for me. Do I deserve it? Yeah I kninda do don't I. I treat him like shit and he's fed up with it and me and my I don't care attitude. He doesn't want me as a daughter he doesn't want me alive, you think I'm over exaggerating? I'm really not and that's the worst part about this, I haven't even touched the surface on this. My feelings are all jumbled but all I know right now is no matter how many people tell me I'm not alone in this, I know in reality I am, the only person who can fix this is me, and if he gave me feedback him too, but he's done enough for me already, maybe it's my turn to start repaying the favor and help him now.