If Not You, Then Who?

Namjoon

We all spent the next hour or two talking and watching movies. I suggested Marvel movies which we watched the first Iron Man but I was uncomfortable watching it because the boys kept glancing at me.
Soon enough we got tired so they headed to bed leaving Namjoon and I alone.

"Maybe you should bunk with me. I think Hoseok bunked with Taehyung."  He smiled and escorted me to his room.

Walking in, I felt tense and a little uncomfortable as I noticed one bed.

One. Bed.

Awesome. I thought with heavy sarcasm.

I sighed and got out my pajamas to go change in. The bathroom was rather large for an apartment. Although the interior design was calming. Teal on beige. The sink was teal, the walls were beige, the bathtub was an off white, and the floor had white tiles with teal rugs placed upon them. Oddly tidy considering there were seven men who lived under one roof. Namjoon did mention Jin was a "clean freak" though. That would explain a lot.

I vigorously brushed my teeth and headed back to the room. There was much dread for me to walk through the halls back to him. Men make me nervous. Especially when they have a good body and a gorgeous face. Ultimately, I had to admit, that I had a physical attraction to him. Not to mention the fact I just met this person and in less than a couple hours and I'm already going to sleep in the same bed with him.

Can I sleep on the floor? Is that an option? Probably not.

I opened the door slowly only to see Namjoon sitting on the bed just listening to music. His eyes were closed and there was a little smile on his face. I watched his head sway slightly to the music. Instantly, I smiled and sat with him.

He jumped a little at my sudden appearance and pulled out his ear buds. "Hi." he said in a small voice.

"Hi." I chuckled.

"So I'm guessing we have to sleep in the same bed." his voice wavered in nervousness.

I shrugged. "Or I can sleep on the floor? Perhaps that's more comfortable for you."

"No! That would be rude of me to let my guest not sleep on the bed.

My words couldn't form so I smiled awkwardly and laid on the bed. I decided to let this all work itself out.
Namjoon took this opportunity to wash up in the bathroom and change.
As he did so, I stared at the ceiling aimlessly; wondering about everything. Alexis left. I'm sharing a bed with a man I just met. My mother didn't care to call last week on my birthday. My father is dead. Time is passing and I still have to get my GED. The way my mind scatters is incredulously insane especially at night. I sit and ponder about life and death over and over till I push myself to tears. I'm a complete control freak and everyone knows. I hate myself for it, too.
But I refuse to take pills for my crazy feelings because of course... I'd rather control my feelings and not let some pill tell me when to be happy. This day has been nothing but weird and terrible. Weird because I bump into someone who takes me in and welcomed me enthusiastically. Terrible because my friend left this morning and I had to roam around and lose track of time. Hence the reason I had missed the bus.

Right now I can't determine if I want to keep staring blankly in the dimly lit room or escape outside and cry for a while. I want to move and yet I don't.
These people are so welcoming that it's both amazing and terrifying.
Before I could make a decision finally, Namjoon entered and laid next to me.
It was pitch black by the time I could feel his body heat radiate onto me.

The way his breathing went shallow made me realise he's just as tired. The way his heart kept a good pace let me know he was relaxed and at ease. The fact he barely moved had indicated he was still awake. Frankly it notified me that he had something on his mind as well. So I pushed him to spill.