If Not You, Then Who?

Just One Day

"This is delicious!" I exclaimed after taking my fifth bite of my HuHot dish.

There was a new restaurant opening up in town and its official open was today. So I decided it was great to try something new. And because I'm a sucker for any food I can eat with chopsticks.

They all looked at me smiling. My heart fluttered nervously. "What?" I said.

"You're using the chopsticks awkwardly." Namjoon snickered.

My nose scrunched up. "Oh. Well I don't know this is just how I've always done it." I shrugged. "Works for me."

Yoongi smiled his gummy smile at me and continued with his food. While Hoseok and Jimin chuckled.

I chewed more of my food until I noticed something very slowly creeping up and over my knee. My eyes scanned the boys until I saw Taehyung's hand off the table. Of course I had my suspicions given the rest of the boys had their hands visible. His hand snaked more and more up my thigh. It was risky sitting next to him but I had no choice. And unfortunately I was wearing a skirt today. Out if all the days to wear a skirt I choose today.

Idiot.

I don't think I can deny my liking to his touch on my inner thigh. But I knew it wasn't exactly appropriate. I also didn't know what to do either so as usual I let it happen. (No, this wasn't sexual harassment okay? I liked it. Let's emphasize that bit.)

"Huimangi ineun gose bandeusi siryeoni ine." I heard Taehyung quietly sing as I felt his hand inch closer and closer--

And that's when I pushed his hand away. That's way too close for comfort. Unless I want to be a moaning mess here at the table I better stop him now.

_________

As we sat there eating and conversing with each other I noticed how much more involved Yoongi is. Mostly he'd sit quietly and perhaps speak a sentence or two. But lately he's been oddly involved which is good but I wanted to know why.

Then I remembered. Ever since I kissed him, he's been engrossing himself in the group more. Maybe the key was me.

Don't flatter yourself you're not that important.

Okay yeah perhaps. But Yoongi likes me.

Yeah he has the chance to get down and dirty because that's a once in a lifetime opportunity.

As if I would do that with him. I really like him, yes. But no don't think I could bring myself to lose my v card with him.

The hell you will! It's Yoongi we are taking about here. Aka Agust D. Aka Suga. You couldn't possibly turn down a man like him.

Just because he's a literal perfect angel doesn't mean I'm gonna hoe up for him.

Ha! Okay then lose him forever.

I sighed and picked at my slab of cooked beef in my noodles. The realization of meaning nothing to him made my stomach turn. Self consciousness creeped up on me. And the feeling of nervousness washed over me like a tsunami.

Then I felt sad. I felt disgusting. I felt nothing and everything. I felt numb.

I didn't want to be nothing to Yoongi. I didn't want to be nothing to any of the guys. Truly I wanted to be something to them. Maybe I was over thinking but why risk it?

But I kept my facade up. I was fine to them. And to myself? Well I was drowning in my own vast pool of emotions.

______

Heading home, Taehyung tried getting close and holding my hand and what not. But I crossed my arms and looked at the ground as I walked. It's better to distance myself now instead of being crushed later. This, I truly believed.