If Not You, Then Who?

Take My Leave - Pt. 2

"I found!" Taehyung said as we both walked in the door.

My mind raced. That moment I shared with Tae. And the hours we had left with Jin. Three guys racing for my heart. It was all so much.

But first... Jin. I wasn't going to stupidly waste another moment drowning in my own self-righteousness.
This was bigger than me. And I'll be damned if I let Jin go without letting him say his goodbye to me.

"Please don't do that ever again. We missed you."

I hugged back. "I promise, Jin."

He pushed up his glasses and smiled sadly at me. I can see the definite look of hurt in his eyes. And I know how truly upset I made him.

We sat alone together. This was my choice. He had spent his time with the guys alone and they all agreed - according to my major breakdown - that some time alone would be good.

"I wish I wouldn't go. I'll miss you." his voice softly spoke in my ear.

I had one wish tonight. And that was to spend overnight with him; snuggling. "Missing me may be good." I added.

I looked at him.

"뭐?" he asked.

Sighing, I laid my head facing the ceiling again. "Missing me means you'll come back. And that as slow time may seem, that it brings us closer faster. You and I will realize we cannot depart ever again. And my love for you, my orabeoni, will never see a grave."

I was shocked by my own words. I didn't have to really think. They all poured out in one breath. That's how I knew these words were nothing but the truth.

Jin kissed my cheek. A token of his gratitude if I may.

"You'll always be my, Noona."

We were consumed by cheesy line exchanges and darkness. All of which comforted us as our eyes closed and our love widened.

And despite my fear of his leave; I couldn't wait for him to go so I can anticipate spending this time with him again, soon.

__________

I couldn't see through my own eyes. As if depersonalization was taking over. Everything was slow as I watched him walk past me. Hugs were traded, tears were shed, and waves were endless as his feet left the home where he belonged.

Seeing a car wait for him made me feel odd, weak, and depressed. I wanted to know for sure he was safe and that my love couldn't be vanquished.

"Orabeoni!" I yelled out, holding the screen door open.

Before he could open the car door he turned his head to the side. Even from here the look of exhaust and sadness was clearly imprinted on his adorable face. Spending two years away from the people he has grown to love for so long is something he is forced to endure.

He walked back and we met halfway on the sidewalk.
I caressed his face. My eyes grew weary and collected tears again.
His sigh drew out - surely he wasn't wishing for this talk. Only because his heart is torn already.

"버고 싶다." I said. My voice becoming vacant.

This made him break down into tears as well.
He held his hand to his mouth. The sobbing got worse for him

"I'm looking at you. But why do I already miss you so much?"

Jin collapsed on the ground. Fortunately the man in the car didn't rush him. He must've foreseen this given his assignment to drive someone away from their own family for a couple years. Suddenly I felt a spastic measure of anger towards the mysterious man.