Blind Alley

Chapter 8.

The clock was ticking loud and clear. Every second felt like an eternity, waiting for them to return. As Niall and I watched TV, I kept leering down at my phone. But there were no calls, no texts. Simply not a single word from them, and hours had already passed by like this. Niall tried to put me on other thoughts by ordering pizza, telling me about the funny things our fans write on social media and so on. But i can see that he has given up on the thought of cheering me up by now. He slept for about two hours, and now that he is awake he is just sitting on the sofa next to me, texting on his phone and watching a football game at the same time.

I had remained silent for a long period of time. I just had so many thoughts running through my head that i couldn't get the chance to stop them for a second and speak. It was really though to speculate so much about this in my head. At this point i needed some really depressing sad music, in a room on my own so i can just have a mental breakdown by myself. But now that Niall is here, i have to at least try to keep it together. He is so sensitive as well. I wouldn't want him to see me in tears like that. Cause I know it would break him as much as i break when i see him cry.

"Liam just texted me. It took much longer time than expected but Louis is on his way, so will you be okay alone for a few minutes?"

Niall asked kindly. I nodded. My heart raised, Louis would be here any minute now. With either news that mean we are finally free, or... Well, i don't even want to think about the other possibility... Well, let me put it like this. This will either be one of the happiest days of my life, or the worst.

As Niall had put his sneekers on, he gave me a huge passionate hug. Really making sure i got the hug i needed. I smiled at him and then he left. The apartment was now empty again. I am so used to being here alone by now that i don't even act on it. I walked over to the coffee table and cleaned it since it was left with an empty pizza carton on it and coke. I cleaned up just to avoid any unfortunate thoughts or actions. When the flat was pretty much spotless and i was left with nothing else to do, i walked into the bedroom and lay down on the bed. I put on Louis mixtape and just listened to the songs. I felt an ache in my chest as i feared the worst.

All i want is to love him. Is that too much to ask? Why do they keep us trapped in this dark hole. Breaking us piece by piece until there's nothing left to take. They have already taken the most important things. Our freedom. Our pride. Our love. But the one thing i have left i really want to keep. Louis.

Suddenly i heard keys at the front door. Slow steps got closer to the room. I looked at Louis when he finally came into the bedroom. He held his coat and was still wearing his shoes. He didn't take them off, he just came straight into the bedroom to find me. I sat up to see him properly. His eyes were bloodshot and he just seemed like a total heartmess. A lump grew in my throat as we stared eachother in the eyes. He didn't even have to say anything. Not even a single word. I knew. I knew just by looking at him. 

"So when are you going to do it?" I asked, trying to keep it together.

"Soon.."

He answered. He was no longer mine. He sobbed as he did that mouth thing when he tries to keep from crying. I nodded at him and let out a deep breath as tears ran down my face.

"I really, really tried..."

He muttered. I stared down at my feet. Not wanting him to see me cry. I just shook my head at the thought.

"I know you did..."

I answered. It seemed like he was all dried out. Like he has been crying all the way here and that now it just stopped. He dropped his coat on the floor and climbed into bed. He didn't bother to change or take his shoes off. He just lay down behind me and wrapped his arms around me as i crossed my arms. He burried his face on my shoulder and i felt how it wettened from his tears.

"I love you Harry"

He whispered in hushed tones. I shivered at the thought that this might be the last time i ever hear him say that ever. I wiped the tears away from my cheeks.

"I love you more"

He sqeezed me tighter into him. He let out a deep warm breath. I stared at the framed picture of us in the nightstand. Things were so much easier back then. At least then we had hope. That one day soon everyone would know. That smile on my face there was real. God... I met the love of my life at the age of 16. And now... It's over. We will never be able to hang out like this again.

"So... This is it?"

I suddenly asked.

"Yeah"

That was not the answer i wanted to hear. But i know it was the only honest one.

"So, where do we go from here?"

"Backwards, i guess... Back before we..."

"Fell inlove..?"

I asked. He took a deep breath before answering.

"Yes."