mockingbird ; h.s

year eight

*the song when i'm gone will be used in here. all credit goes to the very inspirational rapper eminem. i seriously love his songs. i grew up with him playing around my house, my dad singing with me to our favorite parts. at the time, when i'm gone is my favorite song. i hope you like it too! this chapter will be longer than my other chapters. enjoy. (:*

age: 13

victoria sat in the same seat, in the back of the class. this year harry and victoria are in the same english class. harry would look over at victoria, trying to see if she would ever look back. she never does though. victoria is afraid that if she does, harry will see the pain in her eyes. she wants to be strong, tough for her own sake.

"okay class! you have," their teacher, mrs.crawford, looked up at the wall clock above the door to see how much longer until this bell ends. "about fourty minutes to write about your life. make it as detailed and as long as you want. it's all about you. at the end, if anyone wants to present their writing they can. you don't have to though. starting now!" mrs.crawford took a seat at her desk, folding her hands onto the top of it.

all of the students began writing. harry turned around, looking at victoria. an idea popped into his head. he'll write about their former friendship. all of their memories. their laughs, their cries, their sleepovers. every aching moment spent together. harry started his paragraph, the words almost appearing onto the paper by theirselves. it was surprising to mrs.crawford, who was watching harry write at such a fast pace. usually it takes him awhile to come up with an idea to write about. it felt as if harry was being served all these memories on a silver platter. things he never thought he would remember, things he didn't want to remember, things that he has been trying to remember but never could.

victoria sat her pencil down next to her paper when mrs.crawford called time. she has been waiting for this, about to do something that will probably surprise everyone.

"anyone want to share their story? remember, you don't have to." victoria raised her hand, no one really seeing it except for the two students sitting next to her and the english teacher.

"i will." she spoke up, everyone quickly turning around with wide eyes. this is the first time victoria has ever spoke this year, except to her mother but that is just simple, "yes." or "no." answers. mrs.crawford cleared her throat, motioning for victoria to stand in the front of the class.

"have you ever loved someone so much you'd give an arm for? not the expression, no, literally give an arm for? when they know they're your heart and you know you were their armour and you would destroy anything that would try and harm them? but what happens when karma turns right around and to bite you? and everything you stand for, turns on you to spite you? what happens when you become the main source of my pain?

'daddy look what i made!' 'daddy has to go back to work.'

'daddy where's mommy? i can't find mommy, where is she?!' 'i don't know go play, victoria, baby, your daddy's busy. daddy has to write his poems, these poems don't write themselves. i'll give you one underdog then you gotta swing by yourself.'

and he turns right in that poem and tells me he loves me and puts hands on my mother who's a spitting image of me. that my life, yeah, my life's crazy. my parents made me, but who knew they would also break me.

and when i'm just carry on don't mourn, rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice. just know that I'm looking down on you smiling. and i didn't feel a thing, so baby don't feel no pain just smile back. and when i'm just carry on don't mourn, rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice. just know that I'm looking down on you smiling. and i didn't feel a thing, so baby don't feel no pain just smile back." by now all the students, especially harry, are on the edge of their seats. only one students is holding back tears, knowing she will probably look dumb crying right now.

"i keep having this dream, i'm being pushed on the swing. i'm screaming, i hear my parents fight.

'you're making mommy cry. why, why is mommy crying?' 'baby, daddy's not leaving no more.'

'you always say that. you always say this is the last time. but you're not leaving no more, daddy you're mine.'

i'm piling boxes in front of the door, trying to block it.

'daddy, please. daddy, don't leave. daddy, no, stop it!'

daddy goes into his pocket and takes out a tiny necklace locket," victoria stops to take out the necklace, holding it up to the class. "it's got a picture.

'this'll keep you safe, baby, always keep it with you. these stupid walls must be talking, cause i can hear. they're saying i had one more chance to make my daddy stay. but you failed and you always will. just as i was going to chase him he is out the door and i'm left here saying,

and when i'm just carry on don't mourn, rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice. just know that I'm looking down on you smiling. and i didn't feel a thing, so baby don't feel no pain just smile back. and when i'm just carry on don't mourn, rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice. just know that I'm looking down on you smiling. and i didn't feel a thing, so baby don't feel no pain just smile back.

six hundred people, all jumping out their seats. curtain closes, they're throwing roses at my daddy's feet. he takes a bow and thanks them for coming out, screams are so loud. he glances down and doesn't believe what he sees.

'daddy, its me, help mommy! her wrists are bleeding!'" everyone gasps, tears filling a few other students eyes. harry didn't hold it in, letting the tears fall down his cheeks. mrs.crawford was sitting at her desk, patting her damp cheeks with a tissue. 

"'baby, we're across town. how did you get across town?' 'i followed you daddy, you told me you weren't leaving. you lied to me dad, and now you made mommy sad. and i brought you this coin," victoria stopped and digged into the pocket of her skinny jeans, pulling out a coin she bought her dad when she was four. she slammed it onto the floor, everyone hearing the way it bounces until it lands next to harry's desk. " 'it says number one dad. that's all i wanted was to give you this coin. i get the point, me and mommy are gone.'

and it's too late for me to be okay. i sit in my room with a bloody blade in my hand, it's what my demons want. they want me to be alone so i can keep feeding them myself. no wonder i can't sleep at night! i'll just take another pill. yeah, i bet i will. i write about it. yeah, word, i'll keep it real.

i hear voices in my head, all the time i couldn't see that the reason i'm so depressed is me. i turn around, find a gun on the ground, cock it. put it to my head and scream, 'die victoria!' pop it!" victoria didn't realized that she was screaming. harry's eyes were wide, his lip trembling. he never knew that victoria was self harming, nor that she would think of suicidal thoughts. it pained him. he doesn't know as much about her as he thought.

"the sky darkens. my life flashes, the life i was supposed to live crashes. and it burns to ashes. i look around and see all of your eyes on me. tears and cries, some might think this is a lie. but wake up and realize this is my life. the quiet girl is finally open, and ready to die. i want you to know..

and when i'm just carry on don't mourn, rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice. just know that I'm looking down on you smiling. and i didn't feel a thing, so baby don't feel no pain just smile back. and when i'm just carry on don't mourn, rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice. just know that I'm looking down on you smiling. and i didn't feel a thing, so baby don't feel no pain just smile back." victoria looked up, ready to meet a class full of uncomfortable stares. harry was the first to stand