German-Jewish

Chapter 10

                "I'm so tired," Robert said quietly, "I thought I was gonna die out there."

"I know," I replied just as quiet and kept a hand under his head. It was odd, him being without hair. I wanted so much to for the first time in the open and in front of people run my hand through his hair. I almost want to shave my hair off, since the long hair they made me grow felt like shackles still weighing me down. "Don't sleep, though," I said with concern, "you'll scare me. Just wait until the hospital, okay?"

"Fine," he sighed in defeat and looked at me intently.

"We've only got about a half-hour until we get there," Pierson called back to us.

"You look like shit," Robert reached up and touched my brown, grown-out hair.

"I haven't seen myself."

"Yeah, me neither. I've still got my rugged charm, right?"

Aiello chucked and threw his used cigarette out of the jeep. "Totally. All of us here wish your head was in our laps instead of hers."

Robert winked at him with a smile.

It felt like forever until we got to the makeshift hospital that was still set up in the forest. They got us set up, but I overheard a doctor say he had to get us to the base hospital in France where they could treat us best.

Eventually Robert, some others, and I were transferred to a hospital in France. They offered us all showers right away.

I took mine and looked in the mirror before I got in. I wish I hadn't.

My eyes had dark circles under than from sleep deprivation, one eye was still almost completely purple and blue around it, and I had bruises on the sides of my face. It made sense now why I had been getting beaten more in the face than anywhere else the week before I was saved. My cheekbones stood out more than they ever had and I was very close to not looking like the same person who went through basics in the WAAC.

As I took my clothes off, I realized how much everything hurt to move. I hadn't really seen the full extent of my injuries until right then. Bruises covered my ribs that had skin thinly stretched across them. My chest had grown smaller as I lost weight rapidly and I had long, horizontal wounds scarring along my thin stomach. I couldn't imagine what my back had looked like.

I observed my arms and my legs, and they were the skinniest they'd ever been. It shocked me that I'd built up so much muscle and lost it within a couple months.

That shower I took was the best shower I'd ever taken. It was better than even the nice bath I had once I had gotten to my foster family in England. That didn't even compare.

They'd set me up in a bed. "Wait," I reached for the nurse and held my shoulder in pain, "please, put Private Robert Zussman next to me."

"Ma'am, I'm not—"

"Please," I pleaded, "I haven't seen him in so long. I need to talk to him."

I stretched the truth a little, maybe, but I needed him next to me. I shakily gulped down the water next to me as she said she'd see what she can do.

I fell asleep quickly after that. The hospital beds were not comfortable by normal standards, but they were the most comfortable thing I'd slept in since I enlisted.

I slowly opened my eyes to the harsh lighting of the room. I almost feel guilty for saying that lights are harsh.

"And so she wakes," Robert greeted.

"Robert," I sigh and reach for him. He offered me a hand. I took it and our bony fingers interlaced. "I can't believe I almost lost you."

He nodded. "It'll be a while, but you got any plans once you get out?" he asked. I shook my head. It was true, I'd sold everything in my apartment and only brought the things I'd absolutely needed when I enlisted. "You wanna take a trip to Chicago?"

"Where is that?" I'd asked. I'd heard of it, but I'd only ever been to New York and states around there.

"Illinois. Beautiful place in the Midwest."

"Will you be there?"

"Of course, it's my home," he chucked, which led to a severe coughing fit. "I meant, do you want to come with me?"

"Of course," I smiled and rubbed a thumb over his knuckles.

After a moment, he sighed. "Well, we've got some time here and I realized that I don't actually know you very well," he commented and let go of my hand to get some water, I laid on my side to face him, which tugged on my IV that was rehydrating me.

"I want to ask you a question first."

"Go for it," he nodded.

"Why'd you push me? You could've gone and put me in your spot instead. Why'd you do it?"

He looked at the floor for a moment. "I knew what was gonna happen and I couldn't let you go through it. I knew it'd be worse for you, since you're a woman." He was quiet for a second. "I don't regret pushing you out of the truck. That gave you more time before anything happened to you."

"I got captured by them," I told him. "I had to be a servant for the higher-up Nazis in a camp."

He looked at me in surprise. "What—" he looked at me sadly, "how bad was it?"

"As long as I complied, it was manageable. Though, their idea of compliance was eating leftovers once a day, cleaning their whole house every day, and having it all done before sunrise the next morning. Plus, the guards..." I drifted off and shook my head. "It was humiliating what some of them—" I stopped myself again, "most of them did to me," I corrected.

"Man, fuck them," he growled. "Fuck them and everything they stand for. I hope they got killed."

"I don't know. The morning I was rescued, none of them were there. They'd left me and the prisoners there alone."

I sighed. "Would you believe me if I told you that they said I was privileged, yet that shower I took here was the first one I'd taken since getting captured?"

"The sick part is that I do and that I understand."