The Misadventures of Captain Joe and His Band of Crazies

Road Trip (Part 1)

Somewhere in rural North Georgia......................
"Why the hell do I let y'all talk me into this shit," Joe growled from the driver's seat turning his head to look at the four women grinning at him. The petite red head to his right leaned over the console to give him a kiss on the cheek giggling then finished her task of pouring a peach flavored drink into red cups before passing them back.
"Because you love us," Bella said with a sassy wink. "Especially me."
"Keep talking shit little one and you will have an ass red enough to match that hair," he said with narrowed eyes.
"Fuck!" Shelby yelled looking up from her phone behind Bella. "Would you two shut up! I do my damnedest to not think about you two bumping uglies and then you do this!"
"Mama Bear, how much farther?" Joe asked stopping at a stop sign shaking his head. "Could have been concert tickets, but noooooooo you crazies want to take it to extreme. Earth to Elli! Which way do I turn? Ellison Sinclair are you ignoring me?"
"Man....." Ellison piped up from the middle of the back seat. "Those lights are sooooo pretty. Joe, I ever tell you what pretty eyes you have."
Joe's eyebrows rose up his head and he dropped it down in his hands with a moan as a fresh round of giggles flooded the truck. "How much shine did y'all give her?"
"We plead the fifth!" Lexi and Bella yelled together then cracked up laughing. Lexi reached over to snatch the phone from Elli's hand and checked the directions as she sipped from her cup. "Take a left Joe. This says it's a mile up the road."
"How did you get the address exactly?" Shelby said arching an eyebrow as sniffed her cup then wrinkled her nose. She discreetly dumped the contents between Lexi and Bella's cups when they weren't looking.
"Well darlin," he said giving her a toothy grin. "If I told you, well then I would have to kill you. Hand the phones over ladies as this mission is classified."
"Awwwwww!!!" they all yelled in protest before handing their phones over quickly as he growled. He crept the truck down the deserted country road slowly before pulling to the side just past a big black gate. Joe put the truck in park before looking at the girls pointing a long finger at each of them.
"You four stay your asses in this truck and do not move," he stated trying to be menacing when they started to protest. He stepped out of the truck stretching then looked back over his shoulder as his wife whistled at his ass making him shake his head and grin. Bella leaned out the window.
"Just how do you plan on doing this big guy?" she asked curiously. "Just gonna walk right up the driveway and ring the doorbell? How do you even know if he's home?"
"That's exactly what I plan on doing sugar!" Joe called over his shoulder before climbing the black iron fence then dropping back down lightly on his feet on the other side. "And yep he's home!"
"Hurry your ass up!" Elli yelled. "I need baby snuggles!!"
Joe disappeared behind the trees out of their sight muttering under his breath about the group of crazy women.
"Fuck baby snuggles," Lexi said turning her glass up then giving them a sly wink. Elli turned to looked at her with an evil grin.
"You brought it, didn't you?" she said as Shelby covered her face moaning as Bella clapped her hands in glee.
"Don't judge you know you did too," Lexi said smirking pulling a ruler out of her purse. "You know, twin brain and all."
"Pfftt......." Bella drawled leaning over to the passenger side floorboard. "I brought a damn yard stick! Come on girls, those big hands, those big feet, the swagger to his walk. We alllll know that Big Daddy has got it going on!"
"Amen!" they all said with a laugh before deciding to ignore orders and climb out to lean against the side of the big black truck.
Meanwhile..................
Joe's POV
I walked up the paved driveway muttering to himself on how he let the girls talk him into this. Just a road trip my ass. Like I didn't know them all too well. So, like any good solider, I had come prepared with an address, booze, and snacks. This was something they had talked about for months. Granted, I would have rather it been in a more predictable and controlled environment. Like a bunch of chicken shits, the rest of my team wouldn't touch this with a ten-foot poll. Claiming they would rather face off all of ISIS before accepting this mission. Meaning I would have had access to back up and straight jackets. The idea that I may get shot for trespassing didn't bother me right now. Hell Iraq was safer than a trip with those four! My wife better be glad she was cute. It was late afternoon and I swore I'd gained fifteen new gray hairs just since our last pit stop. As I approached the large log cabin, I paused to let out an appreciative whistle at the rims on the big black Ford parked close to the house. I leaned over to check out the brand when I heard a round chambered behind me followed by a deep voice.
"Brother," he growled. "You have five seconds to explain what the fuck you are doing on my property before I put a .45 slug in you? Matter of fact I know the damn gate is locked so get to talking."
I stood slowly to my full height turning around with my hands raised. I tamped down the desire to laugh at the man glaring at me. If they girls could just see him now might just drop his hotness factor down a little. Oh, who the hell was I kidding it would just amp it up for them. They already thought the man was sex on a stick as it was. I saw the ever present backwards black hat, chains, boots, jeans that were holier than mine that Bella loved, black Harley t-shirt. Stuff they had all seen before. What had me trying to keep from laughing was the bright blue and camo burp cloth slung over his shoulder and then pacifier hooked around the pinky of the hand leveling a loaded Kimber at me. Sweet gun!
I kept my eyes locked on his green ones knowing that if I wanted to I could have disarmed him five different ways already. I was being polite. The girls would have my ass if I damaged their all time favorite singer. Maybe I could maim him a little bit and get by with it.
"Captain Joe Carter," I rumbled adding a little extra growl to my voice to be intimidating. I noticed Brantley lower the gun slightly.
"Captain huh?" he said as a smirk spread across his lips. "Which branch you serve in?"
"Afraid that's classified," I said giving him a grin. He snickered then flipped the safety back on the gun and slid it into the back of his jeans settling his t-shirt over it. He held a big ringed hand out to me. I gripped his shaking it slightly.
"Thank you for your service. So Captain," Brantley said with a chuckle. "Still haven't explained to me why you came waltzing up my unannounced when my damn gate was locked."
"Well BG," I said scratching the back of my neck then sighed. "Man to be perfectly honest, its just better if I show you? Probably much safer for you as well."
"Do tell," Brantley said cocking an eyebrow at me. "That bad?"
"Dude," I said running a hand down my face shaking my head. "You have no idea of the level of crazy that I deal with. Feel up to taking a ride?"
"Yea," he said with a dark chuckle. "Let me go get the keys to the Polaris. Do I need to go armed?"
"Probably wouldn't hurt BG," I said grinning. "Also man, might want to get rid of the pacifier."
"Shit," Brantley grumbled. "I forgot that was right there. Dammit, little man is gonna be so pissed!"
"BRANTLEY KEITH GILBERT!" we both heard yelled making us jump. Only a wife can make you full name sound like that.
"Yep," I said shuddering. "Sounds like he's not the only one."
"Agreed man," he said looking behind him with slight fear in his eyes. "I'll be right back. Mama sounds pissed!"
"God be with you brother," I said saluting him.

This hot mess is a collab with my best babes: MissyDoe2017 baseballfan8 and CyleeLynn You can find this story posted on all of our profiles, and it's collectively written and added to at random! Enjoy sugars!