The Misadventures of Captain Joe and His Band of Crazies

Strippers and Tito's (Part 1)

Joe's POV:
I don't know why I continuously put myself through this. Being tortured by Iraqi insurgents was less stressful than this band of crazies. But, they're my girls, and I love them. Speaking of my brood of hell cats, I hear them summoning now. "Papaaaaaa!!!" An excited chorus of squeals echoes through the house. The girls are camped out in the living room. I head down the hall to see what's going on, and when I walk in to the living room, I see all 4 of them bouncing around and giggling like madwomen. "You summoned?" I chuckled. Seeing my girls this giggly makes for one happy Papa. "We got tickets!" Elli yelled. "Tickets Daddy!" Bella echoed. "And the flag! We got the flag Papa!" Lexi yelped. "The fucking flag bro!" Shelby fist pumped the air. "Uh-huh...." I raised an eyebrow, waiting for further explanation of what tickets and what flag. Bella giggled and handed over the stack of papers she just pulled out of an envelope. "Son of a bitch. Here we go again." I growled and looked upwards. Handing the papers back to Bella, I grabbed my phone and quickly dialed, pressing it to my ear as it rang. "What's goin on brother?" I heard the unmistakable gravelly voice. I just growled. "Pit tickets and meet and greet passes. Seriously? You had to send them pits and meet and greets?" I sighed. Brantley cracked up. "Oh come on, you know as well as I do there's no telling those women no. Plus, Amber would've skinned me alive if I didn't send them." He laughed. "I hope they maim you and shave your drummers head. Tell PJ to buy more Tums, he'll need it." I growled and hung up.

At the concert:
Shelby's POV:
"Yeah, this is beyond fucking cool." I yelled over the music as the girls and I all jammed during the show. Brantley rocked the house as usual. Elli, Lexi, Bella and I were in the pit, right up by the stage, with Joe standing guard behind us like a hound from hell. Everyone gave him a wide berth, which was great for us. Brantley belted out another of our favorite songs and we all sang right along, giggling and dancing like we lost our minds. As he worked the stage, Brantley pointed at us and grinned big, giving us a wink. We all squealed. After the show, we headed backstage with the rest of the Meet and greet guests. I started getting nervous the closer we got to the room. "You've got the flag right? They'll let us in won't they?" I asked. "Don't get nervous now Shell-baby, you've already met him. Just take a deep breath." Elli reassured me calmly, stroking my back. I nodded, thankful for her voice of reason. "Here, wanna shot?" Lexi shoved a flask at me. "Jesus, no. Stop that!" I swatted her hand away. "Sic her." Lexi told Bella and pointed my way. "Damn it! Don't you dare- oof!" I stopped mid warning as Bella leaped onto my back, whooping excitedly. Thankful for the distraction, regardless of how odd, we all burst out laughing. "Hell cats..." PJ grinned upon seeing us. "Boss says y'all will be the last in line, that way we can all hang out afterwards." He said. "Sounds good." Joe nodded and shook his hand. "So uh.. you got them, right Captain?" He asked Joe nervously and popped another handful of Tums. "Scared?" Joe taunted. "Pussy." I smirked. "Chicken shit!" Bella cackled. Joe cut us all some eyes and we got quiet, opting to choose our battles wisely. The line moved forward, and we shuffled along with it. Joe standing guard, Lexi hitting the flask, Tito's no doubt, then passing it to Bella, still on my back. Elli field her nails patiently. The booze kicked in and Bella was gradually sliding down my back. I shifted her higher but nearly dropped her when she hit the flask. She squealed and scrambled up my back, locking her legs around one of my arms, and her arms around my torso. "Argh! Get her off me! It's like a spider monkey! Joe! DO SOMETHING WITH HER!" I growled, swatting at Bella as she cackled and climbed all over me. The big guy calmly plucked his wife off of me and tucked her into his chest, carrying on his conversation with Elli without missing a beat. I sighed in relief. There were 3 people left ahead of us in line when Lexi giggled deviously. Bella climbed down from her perch and slowly crept to her side. They passed a flask back and forth a few times, bent their heads low and whispered animatedly. "What are you two up to?" Elli grinned and tugged me into the huddle. "Strippers Mama Bear. Strippers." Bella smiled wide. "What?" I asked. "Titties!" Lexi whooped and high fives Bella. "Christ.." Jow grumbled. "Fuck it, I'm in. I like tits." I grinned. As we all hatched a plan to get everyone to the closest strip club, Joe watched carefully, ready to intervene if necessary. And let's face it, it was gonna be really fucking necessary. "Bout time. So what we gettin in to tonight girls?" We all jumped and noticed we were the last ones in the room. Brantley laughed as we all jerked in surprise. "Titties." I said with a straight face. "Pardon?" Brantley asked, thinking he misheard. "We're going to a strip club. You in rockstar? I already texted Amber. She's on her way." Elli smirked beside us. Lexi and Bella high fived again behind her. "Better get more Titos's." Lexi snorted.

Joe'sPOV:
"Bella!" I bellowed, reprimanding the handsy little girl sitting next to me for the third time. I was driving, with BG riding shotgun. Elli, Lexi, Shelby, and Amber were squeezed in the backseat, and Bella was wedged between me and BG upfront. Bella huffed and removed her hand from where it was creeping up my thigh. "But Dadddyyyyyyyyy...." she whined and pouted. "Behave. Otherwise you won't cum for a week." "A week??!!!" She screeched. "Try me..." I raised an eyebrow at her. She wisely stayed quiet and settled in her seat. "Can you NOT?!" Shelby groaned from the backseat. The girls cracked up as BG shook his head. PJ, Ben, and Jesse were tagging along and following behind us in an SUV as we headed to the local strip club. I parked the truck and we all headed to the front door. I could hear the bass heavy music pounding before we made it inside, and all the neon lights were sure to leave me with a headache from hell. One day I'd put my foot down. One day my girls would behave. I snorted to myself. That's about as likely as an ocean view in Arkansas. We walked inside and I was barely through the door when some scrawny, sparkly little fellow in a gold g-string and a bow tie walked up and started rubbing my chest. "Oh Daddy... my you're a big one..." he purred and I growled and bared my teeth. It only egged him on. "Ooooh..." he squealed, trying to snuggle up to me. As I was moving to shove him off or shoot him, I hadn't decided yet, my wife turned her head and locked eyes with the kid. Those hazel eyes narrowed, her nostrils flared. "That's MY Daddy. Don't.. touch.. my.. Daddy. Now take that sparkly banana hammock, and carry your twink ass in the other direction." Bella told him with an eyebrow raised in challenge. He huffed and locked his sights on BG. "Oh no Sparkles, that one's mine. Keep it moving." Amber sassed and stepped in front of her husband. I slowly turned and locked eyes with my woman. "You brought us to a gay strip club. Please tell me that was not intentional." I sighed. The mischievous glint in Lexi and Bella's eyes told all. Elli and Shelby snorted and giggled, unable to control themselves.