His Weapon - Book 1 [Z.M]

IV

I do not need the kind of love
That is draining
I want someone
Who energizes me
- Rupi Kaur

I entered the all too familiar building. Horrible memories flooded my mind but I had to be strong— I had to do this. It's been a month and five days since I last visited her. I couldn't come up with any excuses for Zayn to let me come visit her because I didn't want him knowing.
Approaching the receptionist desk, Kayla smiled which I returned.
"Hi Kay," I greeted and she smiled warmly.
"I thought you were never going to show up again," She joked but there was some seriousness to it which I ignored.
"You can't get rid of me easily you know?"
I pouted and she burst out laughing.
"—But really how have you been?"
She asked, concern written on her features.
"Been good," I answered simply and she nodded.
"How has she been?"
I went ahead and asked what I was dying to ask from the get-go.
Kayla's smile dropped but she smiled again and I could tell it wasn't genuine this time. I've been coming here for years and know her very well. It definitely wasn't good news then.
"I wish I could tell you something different Muna but it's still the same as before," She said sadly. Over the years, some of the nurses had grown a soft spot for mother and her health bothers them as well and Kayla is at the top of the list.

My spirit was instantly downcast.
"But she'd be fine, don't worry!"
Kayla assured me like she had done several times in the past.
"When? It's been six years already Kay and not even a single improvement," I asked, tears threatened to fall but I had to be strong. Mother is my only reason for fighting but sometimes I feel like maybe we should both just give up. I couldn't blame her but she wasn't giving me many reasons to want to fight.
Our conversation went on for about five minutes as I waited for another nurse to go get my mother.
"She's waiting," The nurse informed me at which I nodded politely her way and thanked her. I excused myself and walked into the open field, the garden.
No one had to tell me where she was going to be, I knew all too well— too well for my liking. As much as I never want to come here, I always do because I couldn't abandon my mother.
I couldn't turn my back on the woman that birthed me. Seeing her in such a condition kills me all the time but seeing her itself was a blessing.
Her tiny frame came into view and I couldn't help the smile that graced my face. I walked faster and sat near her, on the bench.
She didn't look at me— she never does.
"Hi mama," I greeted, extending my hand to grab hers that was planted firmly between her thighs as always. She ignored me like she always does, her eyes stared into space.

Over time I began to wonder why she wouldn't talk to me or look at me but the nurses told me that even though she never responded physically, she did emotionally and that was enough. Everything I do is because of her, she is my only reason for living.
Everything used to be perfect, our family used to be perfect. Mum used to be very lively, jovial and loving but everything changed that night. The night I'd never forget— the night that still haunts me.
"I'm sorry for not coming for so long."
I apologised, knowing she could hear me. She smiled with her eyes, accepting my apology which caused me to sigh.
"I missed you soo much."
I broke down, flinging myself at her in a tight embrace which she never responds to. As much as I tried not to cry, I did. I snuggled my nose into the crook of her neck as I sobbed. Her sweet scent graced my nostril, one that I love with all my heart and missed with all my being.
We stayed that way for about thirty minutes. In silence and peace, thinking about only the good times and not the bad. Cameron came to my mind along with Caren and dad. I only allowed great thoughts and not the bad ones, something I've mastered over the years.