His Weapon - Book 1 [Z.M]

XXXIX

You're everywhere
Except right here
And it hurts
- Rupi Kaur

Rachel Chinouriri - Riptide

"What?"
"We need a break. I do."
It was my turn to frown. For some reason— my heart beat ceased as I stared at him blankly. A break in a relationship never ends well. I couldn't believe so early into our efforts to make things work he was saying something like that.
"—Just like that?"
"Just like what?"
He looked genuinely confused and I shook my head in disbelief. I knew it was all too fucking good to be true.
"Fuck no, no no that's not what I meant."
He held my arms— willing me to look at him but for some reason I couldn't.
"It's no big deal just take me home!"
"I can't believe you're overreacting just because I used the word break."
My head instantly snapped up and I sent him the deadliest glare I could come up with.
"—Please don't start!"
I peeled my body off of his and stood to my feet.
"—Did you stop to think of how you wanting space makes me feel?"
He stood to his feet as well— practically throwing the bowl into the sink as he turned to face me.
"And how does it make you feel Zayn? I just need some fucking space, you're too damn close I'm suffocating."
He frowned and for seconds all we did was stare at each other.

He took giant steps towards me but I remained rooted to the ground.
"—I'm suffocating you. . ."
He didn't ask, more like he was testing the words on his lips as he looked directly into my eyes.
"One second you love me and the next I'm suffocating you?"
He wasn't angry, he was definitely hurt but what stood out the most was fear.
"You can't keep doing this to me Muna, you can't keep letting me get comfortable and then switching up on me. You're scared of letting anyone close and I'm scared of getting close because I can't help it, see the problem?"
He was so close at that point where his cologne evaded my nostrils.
"That's the problem. You're too comfortable."
I knew from the beginning and I still know that Zayn isn't and is never going to be a stagnant figure in my life and I accepted that long ago. That's why everything is really getting to me. It's scary when he doesn't judge me, it's scary when he kisses me like all he has ever known is loving me, it's scary when he clings onto me like I'm all he's got when in reality he can never see me as anything more than comfort. It's crazy how the one thing I'm scared of the most is something he can't help but do. Now I understand him— as much as I hate it, I do. All those times his rules had me questioning everything and this is the reason. He can't help it.
"You're soo gonna hurt me."
He reached out and caressed my face— pulling me closer and laying a soft peck to my lips which wasn't returned.
"—You are gonna hurt me."
I objected, holding onto his waist and stepping closer to him.
"We're gonna hurt each other."
He held my face firmly between his palms— forcing me to look at him.

"—Stop trying to push me away!"
He was stern, his expression blank and all I could do was screw my eyes shut as he examined my face.
"I'm in this as long as you're willing to be with me. Until you've had enough—"
"—Or until you've had enough" Until he fucking wakes up one day and the attraction he has towards me begins to fade. Attractions don't last, love does. Hence— I'll never leave him but I can't say the same for him.
"I can never get enough of you."
Slowly I opened my eyes to find him already looking at me. Tears forced their way out on their own accord and I instantly broke down— allowing him to see how emotionally broken I am.