His Weapon - Book 1 [Z.M]

XXI

I took a cab directly to go see Mum before doing anything else. Kayla was off duty so I spoke to an unfamiliar nurse who was a bit rude but nonetheless I was absolutely polite.
     After several rude remarks, I was finally waiting in the garden— at our exact same seating as I waited for my beloved mother.
     I wish I could say something had improve but her condition remained the same. All she did was listen to me as I spoke.
     "I've never told you this ma but there's this guy, his name is Zayn and I kind of work for him. He's everything."
I breathed out, just desperately wanting to talk to someone. I rubbed her hand, turning my head to watch her stare into space.
     "Maybe one day you'd meet him. That's only if that one day is soon mama so you have to get better."
     I smiled but wanted to cry. I really needed her. I feel soo alone and abandoned. I've had suicidal thoughts— wanting to end everything once and for all but she's my only reason.
     "You might not like him though, he's very rude and egotistical sometimes. I have no idea what I saw in him."
I laughed and I knew for a fact that if she could she would've as well.
     "You really need to get better ma, I don't think I can go on any further without you. I'm trying but I'm breaking, just a little sign and I'd gladly wait for a few more years for another, please."
     I knew she could hear every word and I hoped she would make an effort, not because she wanted to but for me— to strengthen me.

I pulled out her favorite book 'The Slave of Love' and continued to read to her from where I had stopped. I could see the twinkle in her eyes as I read when Elliot secretly recorded Hunter in the library as he sat next to his girlfriend. She always thought their love story related to that of hers and my dad. My mum is a hopeless romantic and growing up— I used to be one but everything changed.
     I smiled as I proceeded, craving their love. To love and be loved deeply. I needed her in other to overcome whatever fear I had of love. Fear of loving someone and not having them like she lost dad. I always wondered why and how it's different when it comes to Zayn. With him in mind, I have no fear whatsoever— ever willing to walk through the hottest fire just to get to him at the other side.
     I wish we could be like Elliot and Hunter, like Mum and dad were but we don't always get what we want, if we could, Caren, Cameron and dad would be here and Mum wouldn't be going through this trauma.

I sighed painfully and closed the book. "If I could sleep next to you every night, I would."
I said, dreading the fact that I had to say goodbye already.
     As I expected, she did hug back— squeezing me tightly as I tried not to break down. It's been too long. At first I was very confident that she'd get well but as a year passed, then two, then three— I began to lose hope and everyday began to get harder and harder.
     I walked away without looking back at her, my heart pounding in my chest. I decided to walk home— to clear my head along the way. As I walked by the Sunset Pub, I saw Nicholas standing in the exact same spot I saw him in the very first time ever and I smiled.
     His eyes landed on me and he furrowed his brows. "Muna?" He asked as though he wasn't sure and I chuckled.
     "Live and colored."
I joked, bowing a little and he chuckled— walking towards me.
     "Came to see me, I see."
He taunted and I rolled my eyes.
     "I can't live without you, can you blame me?"
I played along, earning a genuine laugh from him.
     "You just made my night, I missed you soo much."
He stopped a few inches away from me as though being closer would cause trouble and I bit my bottom lip nervously.
     I know I shouldn't be talking to him but it was making me feel better. I couldn't picture myself not ever talking to him since I met him— he makes me feel at ease.
     "Spare me the sweet talk Nicholas."
I wrinkled my nose and he chuckled, stepping closer to me. His expression changed as he evaded my personal space— his cologne hitting my nostril.
     "Are you okay?"
He asked suddenly, staring me directly in the eyes and I almost smiled even though I was feeling like crap. I love how he can just tell.