His Weapon - Book 1 [Z.M]

XXII

I made myself comfortable on my bed. Yesterday was very interesting due to the constant bugging on Cheryl's part. She insisted on being told everything there was to be told. I practically had zero sleep. First of, I spent hours summing everything up for her and secondly, when I did have the chance to have a few hours of sleep, I couldn't. The kiss I shared with Nicholas kept playing on my mind .
It had me asking myself what the fuck had happened. We went from what I assumed was me telling him I'm taken off the market to me grabbing unto his waist as he stuck his tongue down my throat. There was this huge wave of guilt and regret that sat on my chest but there were also times when I found myself reliving it joyously and it frightened me.
It took every bone within me to leave for Zayn's place today. I couldn't stomach the thought of looking into his eyes after I had kissed Nicholas. This could ruin everything— the little trust he has for me. Being alone in his mansion didn't help one bit as well, it made me feel more nervous.

It actually dawned on me that never in my twenty-two years on earth have I ever stepped my feet in such a home. His penthouse was luxurious indeed but not this luxurious.
I explored more and took my time in taking everything in. Nicholas did call a few times along with the whole of last night but I couldn't find it within me to pick up like I had agreed to. Things were becoming more and more confusing by the second. The way I would be counting down seconds to his next call and hoping on it— I don't understand why I was and still am reacting this way.
I sighed and flung myself back onto the soft foam. I took a deep breath, screwed my eyes shut and tried to control my thoughts.
I lost count of how long I remained in that position until I heard my phone beep. I sat up instantly in search of it. I was somewhat reluctant because it could be a message from service companies alerting me of bills I need to pay. I really do hate such messages.
However, it was a text from Nicholas. I sighed when I read his name. My fingers hovered over the screen for a while, contemplating on whether to open it or not.

Nicholas: okay, now I know you aren't sleeping, or tired, or anything like that. You're avoiding me. Why? I thought we talked about this? Is it because of the kiss? I won't apologize for that, I'm sorry.

I exhaled and threw my phone to the side. I wasn't going to reply even though I desperately wanted to. I reached for The Slave of Love and began to read from where I had left off with Mum. The more I read, the more I thought of her.
How she'd read it to me all the time when I was little and dad would complain because he didn't want us being exposed to such things. I agree with Mum— he was very closed minded. There were a lot of arguments due to their different views. It was horrible but they loved each other and that took them through it.
I began to reminisce a lot. Cameron and Caren also came to mind. I always wished I could have came out the way they did. They were always so pleasing to look at because even though they were different genders, they still looked completely identical.
I think missing and wishing to still have them in my life feeds my love for twins and also my bitterness when I see them. Life is funny, they'd always say they wish they weren't twins and I'd roll my eyes and say I wished I had someone who looked just like me by my side.