His Weapon - Book 1 [Z.M]

XLVIII

You cannot
Walk in and out of me
Like a revolving door
I have too many miracles
Happening inside me
To be your convenient option
- Rupi Kaur

Rachel Chinouriri - 4 Chords

     "I swear I can explain."
That was my cue, I turned hastily and opened the door. As I darted, I felt his warm hand wrap around my arm but I quickly swatted it away cause it actually fucking stung me. The thought of what those hands were up to hours ago sickened me.
     "Don't you fucking touch me!"
I yelled, continuing my escape and hoping he would fuck off but I knew he was right behind me. I barely made is close to Waliyha's door before I felt my back collide with the wall. I felt so fucking humiliated and heartbroken.
     He's such a pig and in that moment I hated the fact that I ever gave him my heart. That's the worst thing he could've ever done to me.

I fucking lost it. I began to fight off his hold, crying like a madwoman and fighting him off me. I was physically hitting him so he'd let go but he kept attempting to cage me.
     "Don't fucking touch me you pig!"
My vision was blurry from the tears that stupidly poured out of my eyes— I hate the sight of tears, I'm strong but they make me feel weak.
     "Please. Fuck please just listen to me!"
He begged desperately but just the sound of his voice disgusted me. I needed to be as far away from him as possible.
     What the fuck was he going to say to possibly make anything better? There is no excuse for what I saw and I didn't want to hear any bullshit out of his mouth.
     "Leave her the fuck alone Zayn!"
Waliyha growled, sprinting towards us and yanking him away from me but he wouldn't budge. I stopped fighting at that point and just cried, not once breaking eye contact with him. I wanted him to see just how much he fucking broke me.
     I ignored all the regret and pain I saw in his eyes. Finally, I looked down hoping he'd listen to her and step away. She pulled again and this time he let go of my body. Waliyha quickly dragged me into her room and shut the door with a loud bang, leaving Zayn standing in defeat.

I completely broke down this time and she pulled me into a hug. I was glad that it wasn't such a scene this time and no one heard my voice whatsoever. I truly felt lifeless. All I ever wanted was to be enough for Zayn but I accepted I was never going to be— I fucking accepted that.
     I came back today making up my mind to let him be happy, genuinely happy. The last thing I expected was for him to not keep his dick in his pants for even a few more hours until I was gone.
     We were still together and he just paid no regard to that fact. It hurt me and I felt so fucking worthless.
     I wasn't going to tell Waliyha the details of what happened. Not because of Zayn but for my dignity— and because of him. I would never temper with her image of her brother.
     I was still so furious as I pulled away from her and sat at the edge of her bed, my face buried in my palm and I tried to mentally talk myself out of the state I was in. My ragged breathing began to slow down. She never took her eyes off me, I could feel them scrutinizing my every move.
     "I'm fine."
I raised my hands up in surrender and she was almost on the verge of tears which made me want to cry again but I sent her a smile and she nodded. She took a seat next to me and we just sat in silence for what felt like an eternity.
     I soon realized I was completely numb. My mind was absolutely blank, free of any and every thought. I just existed in that moment— merely.