Italy's Bullet (Italy X Germany)

Chapter 12

Still Germany's POV

                                           

Italy went to bed not too long ago and we're not having training tomorrow so I'm staying up. I've got some paperwork to catch up on from the past couple days. The thing is though, I can't keep my mind on the work . Memories of what happened earlier flash to the front of my brain, keeping me preoccupied from the important stuff. 

Accepting the fact that I have heavy feelings for Italy has really lifted a weight off my shoulders, I feel a bit freer then before. I brush the papers around my desk irritated, looking for my pen, when my light blue eyes land on my laptop. I haven't told Italy about the Cameras and I don't think he has noticed them.  He was asleep while the guy installed them and I haven't had the time to tell him . 

I should just make sure he's okay. He hasn't talk to me at all since he kissed me. I bring my hand up to my mouth covering it as my cheeks heat up. Despite my age, that was my first kiss.....

I push that aside and neatly stack the papers in a pile and set them to the corner of my desk. I pulled my laptop to me from the chair it was on top of by the wall. I open it up and turn it on. It emits a sod hum as I wait. He is probably just sleeping, but something could still happen to him. I don't know what but I have a feeling he's still awake. 

The home screen appears and I click on the ican for the security system. It gives me two options; lock and camera. I click camera making a grid of all the rooms in the house appear, even my study. I see myself staring at the screen. I searched until I found Italy's room and looked closer. He is still up but he's holding something. What is it the he's holding? He is sitting on his bed, his hairs a mess flying everywhere as if he had been running his hands through it. In his hands was something small and white, it looked as if it was a..... bottle? 

He isn't smiling at all and he looks really sad, maybe I should go talk to him... I'm about to get up and leave when I see him put something in his mouth and wash it down with water from the glass by his bed, his head tips back. Wait.....PILLS?! What would he need pills for!?

He gets up and literally drags himself to his dresser, putting the white bottle in one of the drawers. Then I see him crawl under the covers of his bed turning off his lamp. Wait is he .... crying? How many pills did he take? Is he.......

 I shake the thought from my head and continue to watch. If he was overdosing he would be doubling over in pain by now and he is not. Besides, I don't think he has the guts to do that.... at least I hope he doesn't...

I wait, watching him until I am certain he fell asleep. I closed my laptop and rise from my chair. Slowly I walked out into the hallway. I creeped through the corridors until I reached his room, quietly opening his door. It creaks slightly causing me to cringe, carefully I pushed it open further. The one advantage to training everyday has to be the stealth that is acquired from it. I silently tiptoed to his side, observing his tear stained face. I watch the steady rise and fall of his chest, indicating that he's alive. A wave a relief washes over me. Why didn't I just check earlier? If he really did overdose he would be dead by now and I would have just sat in my study and watched him die!

I moved to his dresser and opened the top drawer, digging through his many pairs of Italian flag boxers. It's quite hard to see with his lights turned off and blinds closed. He always did like complete darkness while he slept even though he is afraid of it. I'll never understand.......Catholics. Finally, I reach the bottom and grab the small pill bottle taking it out. It rattles as I move it in front of my face to read the label. My hands begin to shake as the realization hits me. These are antidepressants.....he has depression... WHy didn't he tell me? Isn't this something I should know about or is he just popping pills?

I angrily shove the pills in my pocket and leave the room, not even caring about being quiet. he doesn't wake up through anything anyway. I shut the door and go back to my study. 

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Italy's POV
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I sit on my bed and watch the camera out of the corner of my eye, the red light blinking meaning that it is turned on and being used. I was awake while he man explained it but I was faking so I wouldn't get in the way. 

Why is Germany watching me? Doesn't he trust me? Maybe he's just worried about me, I haven't been talking at all. I don't want to talk...not after last night. I could have died...

I just guessed. I didn't even know that it was a set up. I saw a bush rustle outside and  it could have been a cat, but I guessed and it turned out to be right. It dawned on me that if I was wrong, Russia would have killed me. That fact alone scared me senseless. Germany loves me and I love him... maybe I should tell him about the pills. I gently Squeeze the white bottle in my small hands. I am just too afraid to tell him face to face. He will either get the wrong idea or he will think I'm a coward and throw them out. 

Well he's watching me, and I'm in a lot of emotional pain right now, maybe i can show him. More tears slide down my cheeks as I pop open the bottle, dumping one of the pills in my hand. I throw it in my mouth and swallow it with some water. A quiet sob escapes my thin lips as I get up and put the bottle in my drawer. What will he do about this? I try not to make eye contact with the tiny camera perched up in the corner of my room as I crawl under the blankets of my bed, turning off the lamp.

The salty drops keep falling as I close my eyes, waiting for sleep to take over my senses. Maybe I do have depression... This aching pain in my chest won't go away and I'm not motivated enough to do anything anymore. I hardly smile and I am crying way more than I want to. I just want this pain to go away and everything to be alright.

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I am so sorry it took so long for me to get this chapter up. I have no excuses for how long it has been since I last updated. I want to thank all of you that have stuck around for this chapter. I am going to try an update again today.