Light in Dark Places

Chapter Twenty-Three

When you say you love me, what do you mean?

Is it such a strange concept to understand?

Well, yes. You're in my head. You might not be real. No one actually loves me. All three of those things make this entire situation fairly difficult to understand.

I'm not sure how to make the situation clearer.

What are you?

You can think of me as an echo.

That doesn't help. Are you connected to Misery? I didn't start hearing you until—well, you know. So that means you're something Miserable, right?

Do you really think that?

I don't know what I think! That's what I'm trying to figure out!

I told you. This is only an echo. That means it came from you. Your talent.

My talent has never done anything like this before.

You're different now. You're stronger now.

No, I'm not. I'm a Barely. The doctor said I was still just a Barely.

But you know it's not as simple as that anymore, don't you?

*

After an hour, a knock comes at her door. Joan isn't crying anymore, she's in that state after crying where all she feels is exhausted, like a well run dry.

"Joan? It's time to go. Your sister called."

Joan grimaces. She doesn't want to see Jisu just yet. There's no way he didn't hear her crying. Not to mention, she ran off like a child even after begging him to tell her the truth. It's far too awkward to have to see him now.

"Do you want me to call your sister back? I can tell her I made you cry and she'll come running, probably to kill me. I'm sure that will be some comfort for you."

Joan gets out of bed and strides to the door, swinging it wide open so she can glare at Jisu properly. "You are terrible."

"We have established," Jisu says dryly. "Come on, you have a meeting with Hernandez. Brush your hair. Do you want to put on makeup? It might help," he gestures towards her face.

Joan slams the door on him.

*

Benedict looks at his wing. It is strange, but it's been over forty-eight hours since he got this wing, and he still hasn't touched it. He can move it, up and down, it obeys him just like his arm might. It is definitely a part of him, not some foreign growth. But he still can't think of it as him just yet. He keeps trying to bend an elbow that isn't there, wiggle fingers he doesn't have, and it's driving him crazy. He had no idea how often he felt the need to bend his elbow until he didn't have one anymore.

It's changed how he wears clothes—the nurse had cut off the entire left side of his shirt, so he could slip it on over his head, and tied frayed ends the nurse had created on the left to keep the shirt closed. It had taken him almost fifteen minutes to tie the ends together on his own with one hand and the whole time he was trying he never touched his wing.

He should touch it. He's never going to accept it's him until he touches it.

(He doesn't touch it.)

*

The car ride is as tense as Joan expects it to be. She can't help but think about the last time they were in a car together, he brought her to a Misery attack. She can't believe Seung-ri let this guy alone with her again, given the circumstances.