Light in Dark Places

Chapter Forty-Eight

Dear my love,

Let me tell you something about futility. They say it's a battle where there will never be victory, but what they don't understand is that the battle is the victory. Sometimes the fact that you are willing to fight and keep fighting even without success is the greatest success there is.

Nothing is futile if you do not believe it so, just because the dawn has yet to come does not mean it never will.

Dear my love, I learned this from you. I believe it. I believe in you.

Always, yours.

*

Joan finds the letter tucked inside a collection of children's bedtime stories. The book itself has a handwritten inscription on the front page that read: To Joan Eun-Mi Kaas on the occasion of her thirteenth birthday. May you have pleasant dreams and a bright future. Love, Heather.

Heather Haelan was the sixth member of Seung-ri's group of friends from the Academy. The one Creosote killed. Joan finds it inextricably sad that a dead woman gave a birthday present to a Miserable child. Even though it doesn't make sense, it feels like a birthday present between ghosts.

She tucks the letter in her pocket because it gives her courage.

She is going to meet a god tonight. If she fails she will probably die and if she succeeds she will be a sacrifice for all her remaining days.

*

"I'm going out with friends tonight, is that OK?"

"Which friends?" Seung-ri asks.

"From the Special Course—Schwartz, Bridgit Schwartz, that is, and Connie—" She doesn't know Connie's last name. She feels like she shouldn't mention that the guys would be there, even though the idea of romantic feelings towards anyone right now it's so laughable it makes her want to cry.

Seung-ri frowns.

"They invited me to spend the night. I just—thought it might be nice."

"I'm not sure you should be going out without a guard," Seung-ri says.

Creosote was in my bedroom, Joan doesn't say, With the other Kings down the hall. In this circumstance, she doesn't know what to say. Too much has happened because she's disobeyed Seung-ri, and even though what she's doing is absolutely forbidden, she doesn't have the strength to directly disobey Seung-ri anymore. If Seung-ri forbids her from going out that will be the end of all her grand plans.

"Seung-ri, she needs friends," Jisu says gently. Seung-ri just scowls at him, but for once, Joan is very glad the other Kings are in the house.

"Bridgit Schwartz lives in the Whip-Tail Lizard community," Hernandez says, unexpectedly. "That's just east of the JSDF base."

"Oh fine," Seung-ri relents. "Bring a cell phone. I'll be checking in regularly, like the giant overprotective freak that I am."

Joan smiles—in relief, in agreement, in the sheer terror of what this means.

"Thanks," she says.

*

"I'm going to see some friends," Benedict says, and it's been a long, long time since he last had to ask for anyone's permission to go anywhere. Almost never, really, he'd never asked his dad to go anywhere, because he always knew that the answer would be no, and he braces himself for that answer now. If he's forbidden from going, he'll go anyway, because he's never been so sure of anything that this is something he has to do. But he's always been terrified of disobedience.