No One Deserves to Disappear

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After coffee, Evan dropped off Zoe. "Bye Evan." She smiles, closing the car door behind her. As she opens her front door, he catches a glimpse of Mr Murphy. Evan puts his head down. Zoe closes the door, leaving him alone with nobody around. He drove home, with his mom at work, he'd have the house to himself. He sat on the couch, thinking about Mr Murphy and the last time he'd seen him.

"Let me guess, you think he hates you?" Connor sat beside him. "He has every right to." Evan says, not surprised that Connor's there. "I told you this would happen. And did you listen? No." Connor scolds. "It was the right thing to do." Evan defends. 

"Well, if you hadn't said we were friends in the first place, there wouldn't be a issue. My parents wouldn't hate you, Zoe wouldn't be playing hard to get, and Jared wouldn't think less of you then he did at the beginning!" Connor says. "I know." Evan says softly. 

"The Connor Project started because you felt no one deserved to be forgotten," Connor reminds him. "I know, you gave me that idea. You said guys like us-" Evan said quietly before being interrupted. "Guys like us? Evan, I may have done drugs on the daily and killed myself, but at least I didn't lie about being the dead kid's best friend." Connor's voice was raising. "Stop." Evan warned him lightly. "You're the one who lied to date my sister. To have a father and mother figure. It's hard to believe you did all that yet I'm the one who was forgotten, the one nobody cares about anymore. To be honest, you should have been the one to disappear!" He yells. "Stop!" Evan screams. Connor stops.

"Here you are, yelling at yourself. I thought we were passed this." And just like that, Connor's gone. Evan puts his face in his hands. He was right, Zoe deserved better than him, Jared deserves someone better, even his mom deserves someone better. In his letter that started this whole mess he had said "Would anybody even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?"

He went to his room, opened his laptop and started writing:

Dear Evan Hansen,

I thought today would be a good day. I thought it would be good because I got to see Jared again, got to hang out with Zoe, but I ruined it. I won't blame Connor, I get that he's just an extension of my subconscious, so how could it be his fault. No this is my fault, I shouldn't have lied. I should have never come out of the shadows. I should have never stepped into the sun, because I just ended up getting burned. At first I thought that if I disappeared no one would notice. But I stepped into the sun, so of course they'd notice. The real question is:

Would anybody even care if I disappeared tomorrow.

Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend,

Me.

Evan pressed save and closed his laptop, tears forming in his eyes. All he could here was Connor's words: "To be honest, you should have been the one to disappear!" Evan laid down, thoughts swirling his mind. Maybe Connor was right, maybe he did deserve to disappear.

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Sorry for putting you through that but I really wanted to include one of favorite characters in this. That was sad, yes, but I felt it was a necessary thing. Please don't be mad. Bye! 

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