Poems

Dead Inside

He left me... after everything we went through...he left.

I loved him from the start, and even though I messed up, I cheated, I started our fights, "I did everything and he took it".

I was and will always be the bad guy. I tired to fix everything that went wrong even when I wasn't the one to blame.

I stood by his side after all the shit he put me through but I'm still the one getting harassed and threatened while trying to stop the tears from falling.

He played me and now I simply must play everyone who comes after him. Since he left I've made a horrible mistake. A mistake I so wish to take back.

I left with a guy and let him smooth talk his way into my pants the night before prom and he walked away with my innocence . But that's not even the best part, the very next night he is dancing and hugging up with someone I thought was my friend.

Little did she know of the events that lead up to that night. Oh but when she did find out she blamed me. She was angered at me for him stealing something so valuable to me.

Now word has gotten out, I just listen to the rumors. Never confirming nor denying anything. I stay to myself only coming out of my shell around my closet of friends.

As I walk through the stages of my somewhat ordinary life I realize that as every day goes by I begin to feel more and more dead inside. His taunting and erratic behavior towards me since that dreadful day has been a rollercoaster. One day he's yelling at me for making a big deal out of a one night stand but then the next day he's whispering playful yet seducing banter into my ear asking when we can have another go at it.

Becoming dead inside takes a lot of time and heart ache and heart break. To think I've accomplished this goal in only 17 short years. It's kind of impressive don't ya think? In 17 short years I've been through so much pain to finally accomplish the feeling to not feel at all.

I've become numb....

I'm dead inside.