Poems

Purpose

What's it like to be happy?
What's it like to feel wanted?
I'm starting to lose myself.
My world seems to be spiraling out of control.
I no longer feel pain.
I no longer feel the need to keep going.
So young yet death crosses my mind every minute of every hour.
I don't know what is becoming of me, I used to be filled with so much energy and love for everything and everyone but now it seems as if a stormy cloud is above my head following me everywhere I go.
No one can relate to this feeling for even I don't know what this feeling is.
It becomes harder and harder for me to drag myself out of bed put on a smile and force myself to interact with people.
Not even my closest friends know of the pain of which I'm feeling.
Not even my family for I know that they simply would not understand.
I myself have yet to define the reason as to why I see the world so differently.
I'm uncertain about what my future will hold but what I am certain of is that the decisions I make now as an adolescent will have a life long effect on my adulthood.
I'm maturing and as of right now I'm at a crossroads. Im stuck between doing what is in my best interests and what is the best interests of the people I surround myself with.
I don't want to disappoint those counting on me but my happiness should come first.
Yet I'm putting others before myself.
For this is draining me of life .
I just wish I had the answers to my problems because then maybe I would know what it felt like to have a purpose to life.