dark minds [completed]

mumma angel

i breathe in the silence

as a metallic, almost

coppery smell drifts to my

senses. i lay there, still

unmoving, listening to the

continuous tick of the clock

hung high above my head,

trying to steady my quickening

heartbeat. i feel broken physically

and mentally as the fresh blood

drips from my wound.

"Mum?" i hear myself whispering

into the night. no reply. just deathly

silence and the smell of decay that

lingered in the air. i hear a shot, then

two; another four. six for my father,

who took that gun and then the other

one for my mum. despite my love for

him growing up, it was still him, my

father, my best friend, who held the

gun to his head, and shot himself:

dead.

my innocent mother, always forgetting

her meds, we'd constantly mutter,

"mummy, remember to wash them

down with a glass of water" to which

she'd grunt and disappear, down the

corridor. my brother dean, left for uni

two weeks before school needed him.

and i asked before he left if he'd ever

return, to which he said, "when mum

gets better". my sister ember, she was

with eric, her boyfriend of three years.

both my siblings were lucky that night

for they didn't have to witness all the

blood and screams that enveloped me

on that tragic night.

but then ember returned and had the

horrific sight to see, three of her

family members, unconscious and

bleeding. i was numb as i fought for

breathe, as the banging continued at

the back of my mind. and before i slipped

into complete darkness, i wondered where

my angel was, only to realise she was already

in the sky; my lucky shamrock,my mum. dead

to the world - to her son.to her daughter ember

and oldest son, dean. dead on the tiled floor of

the home i grew up in. my precious mumma,

who held me in her arms, made me hot coco

and made my anorexia go away; she was dead.

i could tell from the coppery and metallic smell

of blood, that drifted up my nose, moments after

the first gunshot was to be heard.

i could tell by the distant sobs my father shared,

the gun shaking in his sweaty hands. i could tell

as when i looked over at her pale body on the

ground, the blood had surrounded her, burying

my mother of decay.

and right before my daddy too took his own

life, i whispered "i forgive you, ma" tracing my

own scar on my chest; trying my hardest to not

freak at the blood on my hands.