dark minds [completed]

goodbye, my friend

ive been sat here for the last few

minutes trying to come to terms

with the message you just sent me.

the words, they cut deep; i dont

want you to leave me. i look at the

timing, and notice how it came through

an hour ago.

you're gunna be long gone now.

.

i guess it didnt seem like it at all,

through the months we knew each

other, but i really did care about you,

ya know? and from the day i turned

you down, ive been feeling really shit

because i know that broke you down.

a lot more than you'd care to admit.

.

and i know i told you once that we

were soul mates; i didnt lie. i honestly

did think that, and still do now, somewhere

deep inside me. maybe not like a relationship

soul mates, but more of the hearts bound

together forever kind of soul mates. i dont

think im making much sense here, but to be

honest, im quite upset and i just wish you'd

come back.

yet i know you wont.

.

it sucks you're leaving, wait no scratch that

you've already left. i'd doubt you'll even

read this, let alone see it. but i still wanted

to write this, maybe hoping that one day

you might see it and think of me, maybe

possibly.

.

i just want you to know that when i said

i loved you, i wasnt lying. and i know

when you ended your message with the

same words, i knew you meant it too.

.

there was just something about you, that

drew me to you. maybe the way you spoke

or said limited words. i didnt know much about

you, yet i felt like i'd grown up with you.

you didnt like to talk about you or your problems

but that never stopped me knowing you had them.

i just wanted to help you; i wish you'd of let me in.

.

and now i sit here and i know you're already

gone, i can feel it in my heart thats beating

rapidly from the pain of your departure. and

i know its not like it was a suicide note or anything,

but then again, how would i know?

you did mention you'd never be coming back

i mean, that could have hidden meanings.

maybe im just looking into it too much; im sorry

its something i do a lot since Verity and her note.

.

im not going to reply to your message, is there

any point? i dont think so. you're already gone.

but maybe your friend will tell you about this,

or maybe not depending if you have contact

with them or not.

whatever the outcome, im really sad to see

you go. i just wish i had been on an hour ago

maybe then i could have stopped you, but thats

just being selfish of me as usual, aye?

.

i guess i don't really blame you from leaving.

i know why you're gone, i just wish now i had

said all the things i was supposed to say but

surprisingly didn't have the balls to admit

out loud.

but then remember when i said that wishes

dont come true? its too late to wish now

its all over.

you're not coming back. just like my mum

isnt, nor my dad. verity wont wake from the

dead and my hamster wont get reastructed

from the dead..

.

[ i was trying to make you laugh with the

whole hamster thing, but i guess it didnt

really work out well. im terrible at telling

jokes]

i really miss you.

already, and its only been a few minutes

since i read the message. oh how will i

cope?

.

goodbye, my friend. thank you for all

the good times, the laughs and the

jokes. the swapping music and lovely

words. the change of scenery from the

sadness i had become suited too. you

made me feel better, even though i

never told you that. im really bad at this.

at goodbyes, i mean.

i dont like goodbyes.

they're so shit.

.

i still haven't read your book, but i think

maybe tonight that'll be on my agenda

i guess i have nothing else to do, other

than smoke a blunt and get wasted

on all the alcohol.

what a fun night im in for, i just wish

id wake up and all of this was a dream

but i guess i'll get over it sometime

[i wont]

and i know you'll find someone better

than me, because everyone does.

everyones better than me.

.

thank you for everything, best friend.

i love you.

- a very upset ethan

x