the fighter || l.h || on hold

Chapter 21.

It's been 2 weeks since I've been here. I need a miracle. I need Darcy to wake up. I haven't left her side since I got here and I don't plan on leaving until she wakes up. I know she will wake up. She can't leave me. I place my hand in her hand.

"Darcy, I'll be back I'm going to get some food" I kissed her hand and as I went to pull away she tightened her grip. I looked up to see her eyes slowly open.

"Luke" She said weakly.

"I'm here"

"I thought you were on tour?" She said weakly.

"I've been here for 2 weeks, I got back when I heard a phone call saying you were rushed to hospital" I said trying so hard not to let a tear escape. "Michael came with me. He is with your mum at the moment"

"Oh ok" She said, still holding onto my hand. "Can you stay with me until Michael comes? Then you can go and spend time with your family"

"Of course" I kissed her hand and sat down on the chair near her bed. I grabbed my phone and called Michael. He answered on the first ring.

"Dude, your cousin wants to see you"

"Is this a joke?" He said starting to get annoyed at me.

"Nope. Your cousin really wants to see you"

"Be there in 10" He said and hung up.

Darcy looked at me and smile. I've missed that smile for so long. I smiled back at her. "Thank you Luke, thank you for everything" She said, still smiling.

"That's what boyfriends are for"

Darcys pov

I watched as Luke watched my every move, I wish I could lean up and kiss him right now but I couldn’t, there was a kind of weight on my body that was holding me down it was making me feel so weak and worthless. I closed my eyes slowly and opened them again, it seemed to be the only movement I was really making right now. “Luke?” I asked quietly and he nodded for me to go on “im sorry” I said and his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“Sorry? Sorry for what?” he asked

“That you fell in love with me” I whispered, he looked so broken by that small comment it hurt. I didn’t want to hurt Luke, he was the guy that was making this situation that little bit better, but it was my fault that he was about to cry, it was my fault that he was going to be so sad when my time was about over. It shouldn’t have been like this, I should have stayed away.

“Darcy” he said kissing my hand after he did “falling in love with you is the best thing that has ever happened to me” he smiled weakly, I closed my eyes feeling tears form as I did so “no, no darcy please, please don’t cry I don’t want to make you cry, please baby” he hushed me but it only made me cry harder.

“I’m going to die” I whispered looking at my hands “I never wanted to hurt you, I never thought that I would fall in love with someone, I never wanted to because I would just hurt them in the end” I finally looked back up at him “go and eat” I whispered and he shook his head

“I’m staying” he whispered and I only started to cry more “I’m not leaving”

“But I am!” I said limply “I don’t want to leave but things change and there are difficulties with things. I love you Luke but I shouldn’t because it’s so wrong. I know that I shouldn’t love you. It’s not fair for you, I knew I was going to die and yet I still let myself fall into this love trap” as I finished I looked back up at him, he was crying. I did this to him. “I’m sorry”

“Darcy!” Michael yelled as he ran through my door, I jumped back in fright from his sudden outburst, but then went back to looking at Luke “Darcy look at me please” he said and I shook my head “Darcy please don’t be like this”

“I’m going to get food” Luke said after sniffling. Michael watched him as he got up and left us both in the room, the silence was slowly killing me, I needed and I wanted to talk to Michael. He then took my hand, holding it in his, I slowly looked up at him and he smiled.

“No crying” I said, I was straining my voice. My doctors said that if I talk to much ill lose my voice, which was the sugar coated version, they were just saying save your voice for when you’re dying because then you’ll be able to say goodbye. He nodded but then shook his head, he did that sort of sad chuckle after.

“I have to cry Darcy what else am I supposed to do?” he cried “your my sister, I don’t want to lose you”

“I’m still here aren’t I?”

“Yeah you’re here, hooked up to so many machines and you’re not even meant to be talking” he said and I sighed. I understand that this is a hard time for some people but they need to understand what happening for me.

“I don’t want to say goodbye yet” I said softer than a whisper and Michael nodded taking my hand, he looked me right in the eyes as he said these special words.

“Trust me none of us want you to, just keep fighting, you’re a fighter”

***The next day****

“how much does it hurt?” the nurse asked, I squeezed my eyes shut as the pain tightened and hurt even more, I suddenly coughed up blood onto the white sheets, the nurse looked at me with wide eyes, she looked to unsure and afraid.

“Eight” I whispered and she nodded rushing out to get a doctor.

“Miss Clifford” he greeted and I nodded to him “I need to run another test” he said, these doctors where weird, maybe they didn’t want me to know if these tests they were running on me where to figure out if chemo could actually help me right now, or if the cancer is growing faster than expected.

Either way I am going to die, I am going to leave everyone I love behind, and I couldn’t help it. “When am I going to die?” I asked weakly, the doctor was taken aback by my sudden answer but then looked back at my chart.

“I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to tell you Miss Clifford” he said checking my IV.

“you can tell me” I said, he just shook his head “look I need to know when I’m going to die because I need to say goodbye to every one of my family and friends, and I know you’ll tell me to not talk because I’ll strain my voice but I don’t care at this point, I am sick of being sick.” I sighed, it was getting harder and harder for me to talk right now “I don’t want this cancer! It ruins everything! So please just please tell me when I’m going to die so I can be prepared for the stupid day to come”

“A week from today”

Thank you to my best friend Grace for writing the chapter!! She is an amzing writer and you should read her story "Locked" It is amazing