Watching Her Love Someone Else -Fifth Harmony FanFic (Camren)

Why

I think I died today.

Yes, I may be here physically but I don't feel like it. I'm just a zombie roaming this world, looking for answers.

How did this happen so fast?

How did I manage to screw up so much?

Why did she have to leave?

Where did I go wrong?

I slowly stand up from the cold plastic chair, but fail. My legs go weak and I fall to the ground. A nurse rushes to my aid, and helps me up. I thank her, and walk to reception, to ask for the doctor who talked to me earlier. I need answers.

"I'm sorry, miss, but Dr. Reece is in surgery right now" she says, behind the reception table.

"When can I talk to him?" I ask, digging my nails into my skin. "probably, a few hours" she gives me a doubtful face, obviously not knowing anything. I ask her if she has any information about Camila's death, but she said she couldn't tell me.

"Is there anyone I can talk to then?" "Sorry, Dr. Reece is the only one who can help you" I nod and sit back into the hard chair.

I hate waiting.

A long few hours pass and still no Dr. Reece. Another hour pass, and finally the woman at reception tells me he is available to talk to me. Dr. Reece walks in, and I rush to him. Instead of, thousands of questions spilling out of my mouth, only one word manages to come out.

"Why?" My usual smooth voice, cracks out.

"Why-what?" He slightly turns my his head.

"Why didn't she make it?" I manage to make a full sentence.

"Her head got severely damaged, and she bled too much and..." Now, his voice cracking, nearly make me believe he cares "..and we couldn't stop it. Her body slowly shuttled down, there was nothing we could do"

I thought knowing what happened would some how help, but it doesn't. It just makes it more worse, I'm the reason she went through that. I'm the reason she's gone.

And it hurts. Everything hurts.

I remember once I broke my arm skiing, when I was about 11. I probably cried for hours and hours, Camila was there as well and even she couldn't make my eyes stop flooding. But, now she is the only thing that can make me feel better.
When we went to the doctors they said I fractured my arm but it wasn't anything to worry about, but to me at the time it felt like I was going to die. looking back on it now I feel so stupid. I was so worried over a broken arm, and I cried so much about it, it was just so stupid.
The weird thing is, I didn't weep as much when I heard about Camila. Because I cried so much about her that I can't, I feel so shredded inside that I can't show it on the outside.

My arm, before, feels like nothing compared to my heart, at its current state.
But, I know eventually I'll stop feeling like this, Camila will always have a special place in my heart but eventually I'll move on. Eventually, I'll look back and thank Camila for teaching me everything that she has, from the views of life to how to love someone. Eventually, I'll smile at what we had. Eventually, she'll just be another person that I loved, another person that left me.

But 'eventually' is a long way to go. And I don't know if I can keep telling myself these things.

But there's one good thing that has rised out of this, I got my good-bye.