Homestuck x reader

(Un) happy holidays (Dirk x male! reader)

(Warning: there is homophobia in this. Not directly, but implied. Also there's lime.)

(This is my first mlm story. Hope I didn't screw up too badly on this. Enjoy!)

You trudged to the apartment door and fumbled with the key. Tears blurred your vision and made it harder for you to find the keyhole. Before you entered, you wiped away the tears and took a breath, trying to calm down. You turned the key and opened the door.

"Whoa! What the-?" Smoke met your eyes when you entered. Coming from the kitchen. The fire alarm was beginning to emit ear-piercing beeps.

You dropped your bag and hurried into the kitchen. Something was burning in the oven. You scrambled to get the fire extinguisher.

"OH FUCK!" you heard from the other room, followed by a crash. You flung open the oven door and began spraying just as your boyfriend dashed in from the bedroom, chanting, "ohshitohfuckohshitohfuckohshitohfuckohshitohfuck." He wore nothing but a towel and his usual shades. His hair was sopping wet.

When the smoke began to clear and you sprayed a final layer of the agent, you turned to Dirk. His hands were clenched and his mouth was pressed in a straight line.

"... Welcome home!" he tried.

"..."

"... I can explain," he began. "I was bakin' a (fav cake flavor) cake to surprise you when you got back, you know, as a nice little goodie, but then while it was in the oven, I thought I might... get in the... shower... uh..." his voice faltered and got quiet.

You set the fire extinguisher on the counter and sighed.

"... I need to go lie down right now." you said in a hoarse voice. You shuffled past Dirk and into the bedroom, where you flopped down on the bed, buried your face in your pillow and let the tears flow. You pulled the covers over your head, trying to hide yourself away from the world. You didn't want to move at all.

You heard Dirk come into the room. He didn't say anything, but he stood before the bed silently for a time. Then he moved toward the dresser and pulled out a drawer. You heard the rustle of clothing as he got dressed, then the scratchy sound of a comb going through his wet hair. After a moment of silence, where you could feel his eyes on you, he came to the bed and clambered up beside you. He still didn't speak, but you felt him put a hand on your back. He awkwardly stroked you and put his other hand on your hip.

"... I'm here if you want to get into how it went."

"Not right now." You croaked. You felt Dirk take his hands away and the bed shook as he hopped off of it. He exited the room. More tears leaked out before he came back and put something on the nightstand. Then he crossed the room to the dresser and put something on top of it. You heard the sound of his Bluetooth speaker being turned on. There was a quiet moment before gentle guitar strummed out of the speaker. You recognized Eddie Vedder's baritone as he softly rasped out the lyrics of Better Man.

You felt Dirk lay a gentle hand on your hip. He rubbed his thumb over you before leaving you be. When you heard the door close, you hesitated before lifting the covers away. There was a small black book on the nightstand with a pen beside it.

Leaning against the book was a small index card that said, 'Write it down?'

You couldn't help but give a tiny smile. Dirk wasn't too good with emotions, but he sure tried when it came to other peoples.

~~~~~

You didn't realize that you'd fallen asleep until you jerked awake. The rooms lighting had changed from soft brightness to near pitch black. You turned your head and read the digital clock, it's red letters glaring through the dark. 4:39 AM.

'Yeesh,' you thought. 'I slept a full 10 hours?'

You noticed that you felt a weight draped across your stomach and there was quiet breathing next to you. Dirk must've crawled in with you after you fell asleep.

Your stomach gurgled. You hadn't eaten in 16 hours, you realized. You gently moved Dirk's arm off of you, trying not to wake him up, and slid out of bed. You tip-toed to the kitchen and flicked on the counter light.

Dirk must've cleaned up. Last time you'd seen the oven, it had soot and extinguisher foam all over it. Now it was shining. You went to the fridge, pulled out some leftover pizza and stuck it in the microwave. While the box hummed, you reflected on the previous day with a grimace.

You'd gone over to your parents house where they were going to be hosting dinner. You'd decided that before you got yourself in a situation by having the entire family around, you'd better start with the big ones; your parents. The end result? You were banned from family events, dubbed an embarrassment, and had to listen to your mom wail to your dad about where they could've possibly gone wrong. You didn't even get to the part about where your roommate for was also your boyfriend of 4 years before they decided to push you out of the house.

"Happy fucking holidays." you muttered.

Then you felt the hairs on the back of your neck prick up. You slowly turned around, expecting to see Dirk. He wasn't there. Instead, out in the darkness of the living room, shining eerily bright with the light from the kitchen, were two artificial, intense blue eyes. And a big-toothed grin with one gold tooth. It was Dirk's creepy puppet, Lil Cal. Whenever you weren't looking, or when nobody was home, you swore that thing moved on it's own.

"... Hi, Cal..." you said in a small voice. He didn't move, but you could feel him examining you.

You didn't even wait for the pizza to finish. You stopped the microwave, pulled the pizza out and hightailed it to the bedroom. You shut the door firmly behind you and sighed. Someday, you were going to try to get rid of that puppet.

You must've shut the door too loudly, because you heard Dirk's breathing hitch and saw his silhouette sit up. He switched on his bedside lamp and squinted at you before getting his shades.

"(Name)?"

"Sorry. Did I slam it?"

"Yeah," he yawned. "Fuck, I thought you were a shitty burglar for a minute. Lucky I didn't go psychoneurotic on you with my katana. What are you holdin'?"

"Pizza. Want some?"

"Sure."

As you sat on the bed, Dirk looked at the clock.

"Damn, (Name). It's almost 5 in the AM!"

"Yeah, I know."

You and Dirk quietly munched on the pizza for a time.

When he finished, Dirk tried, "So...?"

"So... what?"

"You wanna... talk? Or nah?"

You didn't speak for a minute. You set the pizza on the nightstand and composed yourself.

"I just don't understand why they... I thought they at least guessed. I mean, I wore a freaking shirt with a rainbow on it when I visited them all throughout the past year. I don't... I don't..." The lump in your throat grew until you could no longer get the words out. You didn't feel like crying, you just couldn't talk about it anymore.

"Hey," Dirk placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Whatever you do, don't criticize yourself. It's their loss. They wanna live in their conservative little macrocosm, fine. They can go suck an agglomeration of fat, herpes-covered cocks. But in the meantime, you finally got somethin' off of your chest that had been botherin' you. I already know that I can't even imagine what you must be goin' through, but I want you to know that there are other people who love you and don't mind that you like guys! There's Jane, she appreciates you and the bakin' contests you two have. There's Roxy, she savors the time you spend with her and she thinks you're cute as a seal who doesn't know polar bears exist. There's Jake, he dotes on the fact that you can throw a punch and he had a thing for you for a while, which brings it around to me.

"(Name), I love you so. Mother. Fuckin'. MUCH. You're like... a treasure chest full of sexy and sweet and hot and dorky and love and everythin'. And booty. Can't forget the booty. Every day, I wake up and I think, 'damn. My depression is bein' an asshole today.' then you walk in with tea or coffee or some shit, smilin' at me with those cute, sparkly eyes of yours, like you're an anime character or I drag myself out of bed and see that you left me a delish breakfast on the counter because you had to go in to work early. And I remember everythin' good in the world. That's how much I love you, (Name). Don't let any asinine bitches tell you it's a mistake of nature for you to prefer dudes."

You could feel tears filling your eyes and your cheeks flushing pink. That had to be one of the most earnest things you had ever heard from Dirk. His eyebrows flew up.

"Oh, damn. (Name), I didn't mean to make you-"

"Dirk, that was so genuine... Thank you."

You scooted forward, wrapped your arms around his waist, and kissed him. It began gentle with butterfly kisses, but you slowly began making it deeper and more intense, with nipping and pressing against each other. Dirk slowly leaned back and you crawled over him. His lips were chapped, but you didn't care. You ran your fingers through his blonde locks, feeling the silky softness. Dirk let out an inhibited moan and you felt his hands creep onto your torso. With one hand still in his hair, your other hand slid down and fondled Dirks hardening crotch. He gasped and groaned. You were about to hook a finger in the waist band of his sweatpants, when you heard the bedroom door swing open slowly.

You sat up and let out a startled curse.

Lil Cal was sitting in the doorway, propped up against the frame of the door. He didn't move, but you could feel his eyes on you and Dirk.

'Cockblocked by a puppet,' you thought with exasperation.

"Aw, Cal, come on! Really?! We were gonna bang!" Dirk yelled at the puppet. It didn't respond. Dirk growled in frustration and got up.

"Guess I need a shower anyway." you muttered. Someday, that puppet was going to end up in the dumpster.

~~~~~

The day passed like any other. When the sun began to set, you and Dirk sat side by side in the bedroom. You were reading a book and Dirk was laying on his back, listening to music.

"Dirk?"

"What?" he pulled an earbud out.

"Remember how we met?"

"Yeah." he said, a lazy smile on his face. "Thanks for savin' my manga."

"Now that I look back on it, I suspect you were going to try to try to run to the parking lot and make a daring escape."

"I was actually kinda plannin' on doin' just that. And if the cops chased after me, it would be goin' out with style."

When you and Dirk met four years ago, it was in a bookstore. You'd been behind Dirk in the checkout line and he was trying to make the cashier let him off because he didn't have enough money for all the manga he was trying to get. You'd interrupted the argument with the offer of $40 for Dirk. After you both were able to buy your books, Dirk asked for your number and your relationship grew from there.

You both sat, reminiscing.

"I kinda wish I'd asked you right there if you wanted to go to the Italian restaurant that was right next to that store." Dirk sat up. "Yo, you wanna go check out the lights display downtown?"

"... Sure, alright."

So you both bundled up in sweaters and scarves, coats and gloves. Dirk was in his black pea coat and you in your (fav color)(type) coat. And you set out.

Outside, it was below freezing.

The first words that left Dirk's mouth were, "it's hyperborean out here!" He covered his mouth and nose with his scarf.

You were only going to the car.

~~~~~

You cruised through town, secure and warm in your car. Dirk was riding shotgun and he thanked you about 5 times for deciding not to walk. When you found a parking spot, you strolled out to a bakery that you had never been inside before. Dirk stuck close to you and gasped in relief when you entered the warm bakery.

"I'm startin' to feel my toes again."

"We were out there for like 3 minutes."

The man behind the counter stood attentively with a bright smile on his face.

"Hello there! How can I help you?"

"Hi!" you chirped. "I think I'd like the (fav confection)."

"Excellent choice! and you, sir?"

"Uh... I think the tiramisu is callin' my name."

"Alrighty! That'll be $20.99."

"Hey," Dirk asked. He glanced at you, then back at the baker. "Out of curiosity, do you guys make weddin' cakes?"

Your eyes widened, but you didn't say anything. The man chuckled.

"Why, of course! Which one of you is the lucky guy?"

Dirk's expression didn't change, but you heard the sharp undertone when he said, "both of us."

"Ah! A double wedding! You two must be best buds!"

Dirk pursed his lips.

"No, actually..." you chipped in. You curled your arm around Dirk's waist and stepped closer to him.

The man looked first at Dirk, then at you, then back at Dirk, then back at you. As he did this, the smile began to melt, and his brow furrowed.

Both you and Dirk had been in similar situations before and knew that there were 3 main outcomes; acceptance, begrudging service, or being told to leave. You both could feel tension in each other as you braced for the possibility of the 3rd outcome.

The mans eyebrows raised in realization.

"Oooooh!" An apologetic smile crossed his face. "Oh, I am so sorry! My mistake! Would you like to order now or wait a bit and come back later?"

You both relaxed.

"I think we ought to discuss this more thoroughly first." you said with a laugh. You handed over $21, you both grabbed your sweets and left.

The minute the door to the bakery closed, your head snapped around toward Dirk.

"What was that about wedding cake?" you asked. You could feel your heartbeat picking up. Was Dirk...?

"Um..." Dirk's already flushed cheeks turned darker. "Come with me." He grabbed your hand and brought you over to a huge fountain. The lights under the water changed color every few minutes, and made it look as though the bubbles were tiny spheres of light.

Dirk stopped in front of it and turned to face you. He took both of your hands.

"So, I kinda fucked up."

"What do you mean?" you said as you felt your heart drop.

"This mornin', when I was tellin' you about how much you mean to me, I kinda... about half of the stuff I said was supposed to saved for now. What I'm sayin' is, I... damn, I just love you so much and think you're wonderful and honest and adorable and chill and even when your roll out of bed and have bags under your eyes and your hair looks like you got attacked with an electric fan in the ghetto, you're still a babe. I wasn't lyin' when I said you make me think of the good in my life and I've been thinkin' for the past few months. Would you... maybe want to get-... wait, hold on."

He turned towards a cluster of bushes that were behind the fountain.

"OKAY! CHUCK IT!"

Someone stood up from the bushes and threw something over the fountain. Dirk stepped one foot up on the fountain rim and launched himself into the air, caught whatever it was, did a flip and landed in a kneeling position. All in 2 seconds. His hands were in the air, clutching the thing.

You realized it was a little box the instant before it opened to reveal a ring, a beautiful (gold/silver) one with a (fav gem) sitting proudly on top.

"Wanna get hitched?" Dirk said. You nodded, speechless with a stunned smile across your face. Dirk drew himself up and hugged you with an additional kiss to seal it.

You didn't want to let go, but you had to try on the ring. You tugged your glove off and let Dirk slide it on. It fit perfectly and glinted splendidly in the light from the fountain.

"I love you so much." you choked.

"Love you, too, (Name)."

"NAILED IT, BRO!" someone shouted. You looked towards the source and saw a white haired boy clambering out of the bushes. It was Dirk's brother, Dave. You'd only met him a couple times before, but he seemed nice. He smiled at both of you and gave you two thumbs up.

"You're the best man, my dude." Dirk called to him.

~~~

When the three of you were done celebrating, Dave started walking back to his apartment complex, while you and Dirk got into your car. You started it up and then just sat there, gazing at Dirk.

You both leaned in and kissed one last time, and before you drove off, you whispered to Dirk, "Let's go home and dance."

Dirk's cheeks went pink and he smiled. And as you stepped on the gas, you thought,

'And I'm going to lock the bedroom door so no scopophiliac puppet can interrupt.'

Yesterday may have been the most emotionally trying days of your entire life, but today had made up for it by being one of the best days of your life.