The Arrangement: It Led Me To Love

Chapter 28 - Ellison's POV

It has been a couple of days since I cooked dinner with Laurene. Ever since then she has been quite jumpy and nervous, and when I ask her if she is ok, she says she is fine but I can tell that she is lying. I wish that she would trust me enough to tell me what is wrong. I have physical pains in my chest when I think about the fact that she does not trust me as much as I trust her. However, I know I cannot make her talk to me, so I am just trying to be supportive and kind to her.

Tedious is the only word to describe how my life is now. I cannot walk for long periods, and I ache all over whenever I move. Sometimes I find it hard to breathe because my fractured ribs scream in protest when I try to take deep gulps of air. This means I have to take many rapid shallow breaths, making me sound wheezy and like I am hyperventilating. It is awful. Growing up with no mother I have always been taught to be strong – showing weakness is deemed unacceptable. That is why I am finding it hard not doing anything, and just sitting around. I cannot relax knowing that I have a business to run and an engagement to stop.

For the first time in what feels like years, I have asked Laurene to take me out to see my auntie and cousins. Since I figure we will be going back to the states soon, I guess I should make more of an effort to see them. In addition, I know Laurene and Celena get on really well so maybe it will make her happier to see her friend rather then sitting around all day, looking after me. I know that I should tell her to go back to the states... to her friends and family, but I am selfish and I want her to stay here with me. Of course, if she asked to go back home I would let her, but until that time comes I am not going to give her any ideas of leaving me.

When I first mentioned that I wanted to go out, she became very alarmed and tried to talk me out of it, saying that I would find it too stressful. I found this very worrying because she has been trying to encourage me to go out until a couple of days ago. I know that something has happened, and I will find out what; I just need to wait for the right moment to strike. I hope that she is not in harms way or in serious trouble, as I would easily protect her if something like that is happening. She does not even want to go out the house! It infuriates me that something has gone on right under my nose, and yet I have been too blind and wrapped up in my own misery to see it. Some friend I am!

Now that I am dressed (with the help of my maid Femke doing up my buttons), I walk to the living room, and see Laurene sitting on the sofa blankly staring at the wall, legs bouncing up and down. A frown crosses my features as I see Laurene in this state. She definitely looks like she is in worse shape today. She appears as if she is locked in her mind, troubling scenarios swirling around in her head, making her feel sick and dizzy. My heart drops when I see her hands shaking, and the small dark circles squatting under her eyes; she obviously is not sleeping well. I take a step in front of her and kneel down, taking her hands in mine and entering into her range of vision, forcing her to look at me.

"I'm fine, just a bit nervous about something." She begins when she sees me troop into her vision, with a faint smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask her as lovingly as I can.

"I can't... maybe in the future. I just need to get through today without any accidents, and then I will be fine." She says.

"Ok, well I promise that I will never let anyone harm you. As long as you're with me you're safe." At my words, her eyes light up, and her soft lips stretch into a beautiful smile. I am once again mesmerised by the way her lips lift upward. The way her one dimple crinkles. The way her teeth are perfectly aligned. The warm glow her happiness gives. Her smile is a ray of sunshine, and I am like sunburn.

"Thanks Ellison." She whispers, and her eyes dart to my lips, making my breathing quicken in anticipation for... something that never comes. She turns her head to the side and smiles.