Saved by Him (Dan Lewis - M.A.D)

Chapter 8 - Coffee, Toast and Paracetemols

I wake up, and to my surprise it's 12:30 on Thursday...how did I sleep so long? I drag myself out of bed, and walk downstairs to the kitchen. I pass a mirror and can't help but catch a glimpse of my puffy eyes and messy hair. I look a state.

After staying up until gone 3 last night, I eventually cried myself to sleep. By the end, I didn't even know what I was crying about. Just the feeling of lack of Dan in my life.

I can feel myself slipping into the same state of mind as before and I hate it. My wrists were beginning to heal, and I was finally margining on being considered a healthy weight.

The burn of hunger in my stomach was almost welcomed, because it gives me something to channel my anger towards. How could it betray me by rumbling when I clearly don't want to eat. Don't want to move. Don't want to breathe.

After my break up with James in the summer, things spiralled downwards, quickly. Ellie has always been my rock, and she was there for me whenever I needed her. She still is now. It's just sometimes strange with Ellie, because we're both struggling with our weights, but hers is a love for food problem rather than mental health.

Dan was also supportive of me. He'd check up on me daily, and encourage me when I started to progress. One of the things that breaks my heart most is the fact that when he left me, just like James did, he couldn't understand why I relapsed. Surely he of all people should understand!

A note from my mother is on the kitchen counter:

Leah,

Please, please have a go at eating your leftover lasagne from last night? I hope you're feeling a bit better! I love you, stay strong!

Mum x

I felt my eyes prick with hot tears, and had to take a minute to calm myself. My parents were the most supportive about my eating disorder. They cared for me and helped me through the feeling of life not being worth the pain I was feeling, where the negatives outweighed the positives. My parents tipped the scales, and slowly, I recovered. Never fully, but I've improved tremendously.

I texted Ellie, I needed some girly time, and someone to take my mind off my pain. She was the perfect distraction.

I had a text back saying that she didn't have any lessons this afternoon anyway, and that she'd be at mine in an hour, so I flicked the channel to MTV and watched a programme of Catfish while I waited.

Dan

I thought being away from home would help me, but Leah is permanently imprinted in my brain. I woke up at 1:00, and went straight downstairs for something to cure my hangover. I settled for a coffee, toast and some paracetamols.

Ben just chuckled, muttering "Rise and shine you little ray of happiness"

All I could do was grunt and lift my middle finger up towards his face. I was not in the mood to cope with his witty and sarcastic comments. Thank goodness Michael wasn't there! He's the most childish of us all!

I needed a pizza, ice cream, junk food and movies. I'd tried to get over her my way, and now it was time to try another method. I waked into the living room and slouched on the couch.

It was like I was in my own bubble, drifting around unaware of my surroundings. It took me a while to realise that there was someone sitting next to me. Oh, two! Jonny and Sophie were entwined on the sofa, embracing each other's company. They blew kisses at each other, and held hands, and every time Sophie tried to get off his lap he would pull her back again. Kissing her neck to make her laugh and calling her "Sophiepoo". It was turning me sick. Literally. Or maybe it was just the hangover.

I ran to the toilet, and after throwing up several times I retreated to my make shift bed. Rachel who had the day off work came up to see me with a fresh pot of green tea and some digestive biscuits. She brought some extra blankets with her, and sat on the end of my bed tucking me in.

She placed a cool marble hand to my forehead, "What's wrong Dan?"

I just groaned. Where do you even begin?

She understood straight away, "girl problems? Well there's two things you can do :-

1) sit around here and mope

2) get off your lazy ass and sort it out because she's worth it".

I shooed her away because I needed to sleep, but her words stayed with me. Looks like my trip would be cut short after all! I needed Leah back, and as crazy as it seemed that one girl could have such an effect on me, nothing would feel right until she was mine again.

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