Colour My Shadow

Chapter Six - Something

My internet broke, but then I fixed it ^-^

well, the cableman did, actually. Here you go, and thank the cableman

Silence settled around me and Steven like a great, big, awkward blanket. 

Hazel had scuttled off to her music class, flashing me a conspiratorial grin, Steven had cleared his throat awkwardly and I'd gaped after her like an unattractive fish. 

Now I was waiting for Steven to say something, to break the silence like he usually did, with a joke or teasing comment. But now, he seemed lost for words. Or maybe just considering using his best friend to get rid of an unwanted admirer. 

Yeah. That would hurt.

"Come on," I said abruptly. "History will wait for no man."

I glanced up at him, as if to confirm that, still surprised by his lack of speech, but he just nodded and followed me out of the building, face still frowned. 

"Sorry," he said absently after a few seconds. "lost in thought." But he didn't say aything more, and I hesitated to break the silence.

I turned and he gave me a smile, which I returned, thankful that he seemed to have forgotten Hazel's comment. Or at least was ignoring it, like me. 

For a moment, I considered Steven and I actually *dating*. Not me responding timidly to his unwitting flirting, not me watching all the girls hitting on him... but him, mine, and me, his. 

Not that we'd *belong* to each other if we were dating. I'd never liked people who though they owned or were owned by their boyfriend/girlfriend. It was just the usual phrase to use. 

Then I smiled wryly. In your dreams, Rosa, he'd never date you... well, maybe. It just might not be real, if it did happen. 

But he didn't say anything else for the rest of the walk to History, and when we got there it was Natasha, and not me, who was sat in the seat next to Steven's. 

"You said so yourself! He looked thoughtful, and I agree!" By lunch, I'd finally got Hazel on her own to talk - well, yell-whisper - to her about Steven 'dating poor Rosa here'. She was all defensive surprise, but behind her shocked face there was the hint of a secretive smile - the smile she alwys had when it came to me and Steven.

"Yeah, but would I want him as a boyfriend if it was just to get Natasha off his back?" I asked her critically, not entirely sure whether I would or not. 

I mean, it would mean being his girlfriend. But it would be worse than being his fallback girl, even, being his fake girlfriend.

"I dunno. At least it would mean you were going out, and you know," She began to sing in a perky, upbeat tune, "and like can lead to like like, and then like leads to-"

"Love, I know," I interrupted hastily, "I've heard the song before..." Too many times, although I had never seen it in action.

Although people here never loved. They fancied, sure, but not love. I wondered what the difference was. Fancied sounded like the person you wanted was there to be picked, like you fancied eating something, or fancied doing something, whereas love... you just didn't say love.

I stalked off to the canteen, completely confused.

"Ooh," Hazel cooed, still by my side, when we got there. "They've got doughnuts!" 

Now, doughnuts are something the canteen serves that is nice. There really isn't much, except for the occasional days wen food from the Catering block is served.