Vexation

•Toxic people•

Toxic people will destroy you end of story.

Story time-

I had sh*t friends.
You know why I put up with them for so long?
I probably loved them, right?
Nope, I was constantly told by the people around me that you never cut someone out of your life.
Geuss what that's bullsh*t.

You cannot keep toxic people in your life. No matter what others tell you about forgiveness ect.
Dont be like me be smarter.

I stayed friends with a group of people for a year because: I believed people telling me to always forgive friends and to never give up on people you love and these people destroyed my self-esteem and confidence bit by bit.

I was having panic attacks before school. ( I only now realized it. Yeah sounds crazy but all I knew is I forget how to breath and feel like their is some fat ass person sitting on my chest.)

I knew the moment I would walk in to that school I would be judged  like somone in trial, and not from stranger but from people I called my friends.

They made me hate myself so much and I was so afraid that something about me would once again look wrong that I would panic till I couldn't breath and geuss what people told me?
Forgive, forgive.

A toxic person will pretend to care about you and love you but they wil constantly do tiny things to destroy your self confidence.

For example:
" I love you, but please your so skinny its kind of creepy."
"Your so quite its annoying us all, but you know we love you right?"

For me it would be insult on my character, how I looked anything you can think of and it was almost always followed by I love you.

"Do you even wash your hair it looks like shit?"
"Don't look so hurt you know I love you."

These people are lying to you I was stupid I stayed friends with a group like this for a year. They wil do you more harm then good I promise you.

No matter:
-How worthless you think you are
-How worthless they make you seem

You do not deseguy. to be treated in such a way.

You can confront them and some people wil
- get mad and deny it (making you wonder if it even happened)
- say sorry and stop ( for about 1 week)

People like this do not love you so get the f*ck away from them.
-
In case you dont understand how I could have panic attacks because some people insult me here's why:

I'm very easily stressed out and I panick over the stupidest things. Its something I'm trying to work on.

I have been bullied before.

I used to be very shy and couldn't stand up for myself but I'm better now and thats why I'm writing this book so I can feel like I can express my opinions for once.

I'm not going to lie. I don't like how I look or my personality. They targeted things they I was already selfconceous about and made it in to a weapon and after a year of them using their words to attack me in such a subtle way and then making me feel crazy for speaking up I just couldn't anymore.
They would act like I was hearing things and make me feel like the bad guy.