Suicidal ( Cameron Dallas Fanfiction)

Chapter Ten

Sadie's POV

 

                      We start school

today. I heard that we have to go to an assembly. Its about what happened and stuff. Since I'm at Cameron's house I have gotten most of my clothes. I get up and take a shower that is in my room I get undressed and pull myself onto the shower chair. I feel old when I sit on it but I need to. Once I'm done I get dressed. Its really hot outside so I decide to wear a pair of light washed Hollister jeans and roll them up a little bit, and I decide on a tribal Aztec cami from forever 21. I get my makeup on and straighten my hair. I wheel out to the big, clean kitchen. Cameron, Nash, Hayes, and Matt are out there eating breakfast. They see me and smiles form on there faces. I go to the front door to retrieve my shoes. I decide on a pair of gladiators. My ankles are wrapped up in gauze wrap because I have stitches that need to be covered up so they don't get infected. I put my shoes on and get my bag. I wheel myself back into the kitchen. They put there trash in the trash can. We all decide to walk to school, were in my case wheel. "Are you sure your okay to go to school today.", Matt asks. I simply nod,hesitantly. We arrive at school and are immediately directed to the gym by the principal. The principal pulls me and Cameron back because we technically 'saved the school'. Everybody in the school gets into the gym and the assembly starts. Teachers are on the gym floor along with the principle, and me and Cam. The students are sitting on the bleachers. "Hello students and teachers. Recently we had an intruder and also lost one of our students", the principle starts. I have no emotion at the moment so I just listen. Cam holding my hand. "Its scary to think that it could ever happen again. Or have any other people killed or injured. But thanks to these two kids only one person killed", she says. That gets me mad so I saved everybody else but one died because of us. I speak up when she says that. "Excuse me, Mrs. Mozzola. That isn't true. Because of me everybody is still alive except one person. That was my brother that I couldn't save. You all should be fucking happy that your alive. My brother, Cameron and I risked our lives for you but my brother died for doing something good. Yea maybe if I didn't care about you people he would still be alive and most of you would be dead and some of you who stayed alive would be in my situation grieving your dead family member, planning his funeral, and making a speech for them, and crying yourself to sleep thinking that it should've been you. Be thankful he saved your asses. While you guys are thinking that I don't care about her and her family making mean and rude remarks about this situation he's dead and it's my fault. Now shut the fuck up about it.", I say and leave with tears in my eyes. I hear Matt, Cam and Nash running after me but I'm not that fast so they catch up to me. "Hey are you okay", Nash asks. "Does it look like I'm okay", I say. "This is all my fault that he's dead. I could've saved him but I didn't. I should've done something but I just stood there watching him get shot. Its my fault.", I say sobbing. "Its not your fault that the psycho man came into the school and shot you and your brother. Stop blaming yourself.", Matt says. Cam nods and so does Nash.

           We go back to the gym

and people are just talking, I stare of into the distance. Eventually we get to go home early. I actually go to my house to get some things. To my luck nobody is home. I go to my room it's difficult but I get up there. I find myself outside my brother's room. Cameron said he would give me time alone up here so he is downstairs. I open the door to his room and see it clean. His desk has notes on it and I go to read them.

September 3

  I'm going to ask her to go steady with me today I can't wait. I hope she says yes.

September 4

I hate how my mom and dad beat my sister. She is in her room right now crying so loud.

She's never done anything bad.

September 5

I want to die. Taylor and her friends are beating me up. I found some of my sisters razor blades and thought I should try it. It hurt but I felt relief. I just want to die with her.

September 6 (the day he died)

I love my sister but tonight I'm going to kill myself I even set it up in my closet. I love her but I'm sorry.

Dear Sadie,

         Don't be sad I wanted to do this

I know that you wish you could do this but you never had because you had me. But you don't anymore. You didn't know so dont blame yourself please. Stay strong for me or come up her with me. I support you and Cameron by the way. I love you so much and Im sorry I never did anything when you were getting beat. Or like I never noticed your wrists. I have. And when you come to my funeral leave a nice speech. I love you.

                       I go look in

his closet and there it is he has a few ties, tied together hanging on his lamp and a stole. I start hysterically crying. (if that's the wrong word she's crying really loud and stuff). Cameron rushes up to his room and sees what I see. His hand goes up to his mouth in shock. "I'm so sorry ,Sadie. Did you know?", he asks. I shake my head. "He realized what I was going through but I was to selfish to notice him", I choke out. He comes up and hugs me. "Did you get what you needed", he asks. I have a bag of clothes and some of my brother's things along with his notes and a tie. I nod in response and we go back to his house.