I decided last night that I would start thinking about what I do be for I do it. Not like normal but like if I made a wrong dissuasion it could cost someone there life. I got up this morning at 4 am because I couldn't sleep and desided I would go to the gym to run.
As I was running yesterday came back in to my head.Flooding into my thoughts and the tears came down my face like a river. The disappointment in myself that I am feeling. He said we were still friends but it still hurts to know I made him cry. What kind of friend does that. I turned of the treadmill as I wiped my tears. How do I fix this?
*TIME SKIP.*
"Wow lillian I don't know what to tell you." Tasha said.
" I feel like shit." I said.
" I understand but JJ needs his space and I think you should give it to him." Tasha said
" Yeah ok I can do that." I said. I went in to my room for a little bit to think.
I looked down to my phone and texted Simon.
Me- hey
Simon- hi how are you?
Me- fine you?
Simon- good
Me- how is JJ
Simon- he is good he is at the gym right now
Me- ok that's good. Has he said anything about me?
Simon- no he hasn't really talked
Me- oh
I look up and turn of my phone.
"Ugh I just want him to be happy." I said to my self.
"Haha" I heard Tasha laughing outside my bedroom door. I wait till she hangs up with who ever she was talking to to come out of my room.
"Who was that?" I asked
"Huh oh that was Josh." She said " We are gonna go out for a little bit get some drinks and some food."
"Oh ok. Have fun." Said I said as I walked back in to my room.
Me- what do you think?
Simon- about?
Me- what happened to me and JJ
Simon- I think that JJ just needs time to heal and you need to give it to him. I think you understand he is hurt but you feel like crap because your the one who hurt him and want to help, but the only way you can help is by letting him get threw this one his own.
Me- thank you
Simon- no problem, do you want to come over later.
Me- oh no I'm busy.
I lied I really didn't want to hang out. I just wanted to be alone for a little bit.
"Bye see you later." I heard Tasha yell as the door closed.
"Ugh" I said to my self. " I need to do something I can't just lay here. Come one let's do something productive."
I got in the shower and got dressed and set up my computer on the table to start editing. I then Cooked some eggs and drank my left over Starbucks, I then looked for my headphones and started to listen to my music as I edited.
*TIME SKIP*
"I'm home." Tasha said opening the door.
I was still editing.
"Hey." I said. "How was it?"
"Oh it was good. We got a couple of drinks and ate a burger." She said.
"That's nice." I said.
"Is that all you did today edit. I heard editing was hard but you spend that long on it." She said.
I shook my head in reply. It was about 11:00 o'clock.
" I think am gonna go to bed I have work tomorrow." Tasha said.
Tasha has a job but they allow her to work from home on her computer because she is pretty shy and has some anxiety.
"Ok night."Said said as she shut her door.
*BING*
Simon- how you doing
Me- fine you?
Simon- good
Me- how was your day?
Simon- good and yours?
Me- fine
I lied again. I didn't want him to know I was still worried about JJ and that's the only thing my mind would Focus on.
Simon- that's good
Me- ya we'll I think I'm gonna go to bed now
Simon- ok sleep well love.
Me- alright you too.
I went to my room and laid down. Now if I slept that I don't think so.
