The Strength Of the Heart

Feeling Of Loss - 9

Many a time we forget about the now and focus on the past. It's hard to let go of something you didn't think you were ready to hold. Something, someone, that made you whole, happy, a better person. You hold on to the time with them, but not in the right ways. You hurt yourself thinking about the time you don't have with them anymore. But you should be using those memories to push you further. Accept that sometimes, the past is just that. The past. Maybe you could change it, maybe you can't.

Because being lost is just not being able to find your present.

And so I woke up to a bleak morning. Everything seemed to have a grey tint around it. I reached for my phone, though I knew what to expect. Still no messages from Chloe. I sighed and trudged to bathroom, hoping to drown myself in the steam of the shower. A homemade sauna. If only it had worked, I spent most of the shower time listening for a message alert from my phone.

It didn't come.

I came out of the shower like a caveman from a freezer, mist surrounding my movements. At this point I had long since given up on getting a reply, but my heart had other thoughts on the matter. Every alarm, every notification that came through made it play Micheal Jackson songs on my rib cage. I slowly put on my clothes for the day, deliberately dragging out the process as if to savour it. I sneaked a peek at my my bedside clock.

Turns out I was behind schedule too.

I swiftly moved out of the room and stopped by the work table. I glanced at the empty chair and realised that I had left my bag in my room. I was turning to go get it when I realised that I didn't care.

"So today's gonna be one of those days" I said to the empty hallway. I proceeded down the stairs, ignoring the my family, and walked right out the door. No books, no bag, and no breakfast. It was a sunny day. Almost too sunny. It was if the sun felt the need to smile in everyone faces today. Just to spite me and my bad mood. I sighed.

So it really was one of those days.

I began my commute to school and almost instantly my mood was brightened. Someone came to join me on my walk for once.

Justin.

And it wasn't as if he came to just talk my problems away either. He could see something was wrong, so instead of pushing it, he walked next to me all the way to school. In complete and utter silence. It was nice to have someone there, even if we weren't talking, (which, by the way, was fine by me). As we got close to the entrance, he said "You'll tell me eventually, I won't push" with such a wide smile that I had to laugh.

I think everyone needs a Justin in their lives.

"Thanks for understanding" I said with a smile of my own. I took him to his untidy, king of the jungle type locker where he prepared for his day. when he was done, he slammed and the door and exclaimed, "Alright then! We can go." I turned towards our homeroom but not before he could say, "Uhhmmm, James? Where's your bag?" I grimaced and rotated to face him.

"Well..... Funny story"

____________

Our first lesson was History, and Chloe was not there. It worried me a little but i just assumed that she was missing the entire day. And since I was no longer overreacting about my lack of text message I was now able to focus on more important things.

Like the fact that I had no books for example.

Because not only did I leave my bag at home, but that bag also contained the keys for my locker too. I spent the entire school day making up multiple stories to multiple teachers as to why I did not have my books on a Thursday. I must say, I was previously unaware of the full extent of my imagination. My second cousin Bertha confusing my bag with hers was one of my favourites.

The final bell rang and I started looking for Justin so I could walk him home. Kind of to return this morning's favour. As I was walking to the gate to wait for him someone pulled me aside. And normally I have no qualms about people being touchy, but I was not ready for a close encounter of the Chloe kind.

That being said, I still had to be smooth.

"Ahhhh........Uhhhhhhhh.........Ummmmmm.........Hey!" I stammered.

Okay so maybe I wasn't as cool as I could've been but it got the job done. It also didn't help that she was dressed like a magazine model with her blue denim jeans, black jacket, and her hair done up in a neat pony tail. She smiled awkwardly, ( hey, but she smiled!).

" Hey James. I just wanted to thank you for what you did yesterday. Even though you kinda did nothing but still. Your presence was appreciated." She said it like she was obligated to, and as soon as she was done, she walked away.

I wasn't really sure, how to respond. Could I even still respond? I mean, she'd already walked away. I stood there dumbstruck until Justin ran up to me.

"Ahh! You waited for me!" he proclaimed. He dragged me by my shoulders and launched into a rant about how his math teacher was being dumb. I shook my head and contributed as we left the school, and my confusion, behind.