philophobia [style]

diagnosed

[panic attacks and panic disorder are mentioned in this chapter, sorry if I messed it up.]

a few years have passed since that incident in fourth grade. kyle would regularly have panic attacks when he'd think too deep. he'd start thinking about if he liked someone, then he'd think of what would happen if they didn't love him back, then he'd think about him choking and dying, then he'd start hyperventilating, crying, sweating, and he'd get dizzy. they would sometimes happen at random, like in class or at lunch. but no matter where [except for his house], stan was there to help him. sometimes kyle would almost pass out, stan would catch him [if he was walking or just going to fall]. he also knew when kyle was going to have a panic attack since it happened a lot in the past few years.

a couple weeks after kyle had his first panic attack, he was diagnosed with panic disorder. his mother asked him how he might of been diagnosed with it, and all he said was that he was scared of hanahaki, he was scared of love. his mom was confused until she looked it up.

philophobia;

the fear of love, being in love or falling in love.

her reaction was 'oh bubby! my poor baby!'.

she told her husband that night, then the next day she told kyle while he told ike.

"now ike, your mother wanted me to talk to you about kyle. he gots some phobia or something, okay son? you continue playing your games."

"oh, bubby, i found out what you have. you have philophobia, the fear of love."

kyle was laying in bed. he didn't have school, it was a saturday. he was scrolling through youtube, trying to find something to watch. he was bored, stan was grounded, so he wasn't going to hang out with him. but that thought led to another. "man, i'm lonely when stan isn't here, it's so quiet and depressing." he thought more. "i wish i could see stan more often. i'm glad stan's my super best friend." until that last thought. "i love stan."

he stopped thinking about everything else. "do i love stan? no, i don't! i don't wanna be in love! i don't wanna be in love!" kyle started sweating. everything was moving around him. tears trickled down his face. his breathing was heavy. his chest hurt. "no, no, no, no, no!! help me, help me, help me, please! get me out! i don't love him!" his eyes looked all around his room. then he screamed, afterward whispering, "help me, help me.". his parents weren't home, leaving him with just ike. ike heard him scream, so he checked on him. he saw kyle laying on his bed, gripping his red hair while shaking. "kyle? are you okay?" he asked. "I DON'T WANT TO BE IN LOVE!" is what kyle said, well, screamed. it scared ike a bit, making him jump.

ike didn't know what to do. he never helped kyle in a situation like this before. "um, it's okay kyle, you're going to be fine." being the same age as when kyle experienced his first panic attack,
ike wasn't an expert on this. he stayed by kyle's side until he calmed down. ike sighed and left for the door until he heard kyle cough. it didn't sound normal, so he looked back.

in kyle's hands were blue flower petals, ones from a flax linum. they had red tips stained with his blood. kyle had a bit a blood from his mouth dripping from his chin. ike's and kyle's eyes widened. they both knew what it was. the dreaded hanahaki. kyle passed out, his hands holding the petals went limp on his bed. ike still stood there in shock.

ike stood like that for a few minutes, until his foster parents came home. his mom came to check on kyle and ike but saw ike standing in the doorway of kyle's room. "ike, honey, are you okay?" she asked. he looked up at her while pointing at kyle. she walked over to him and saw the blood from his mouth and the petals in his hand. she started to cry. this was her son's biggest fear, being in love. she took the petals and felt them in her hand, they were soft, but they held death.

kyle woke up a few moments later, seeing ike still standing in the doorway, but now his mom sobbing by his side. "what happened?" he asked.

ike responded. "hanahaki happened."

kyle froze.

"no, ike, you're lying, right?" ike didn't say anything. his mom brought the flowers from her hand and stuck them in kyle's. "t-these are yours, bubby." he analyzed them then screamed again.

two hours later

the family took kyle to the doctor. they wanted some confirmation, mostly they didn't want it to be true. kyle was sitting on the patient's bed, waiting for the doctor to come. he was alone in the room, alone to his thoughts. he was thinking about who he really liked, loved. kenny? craig? cartman? stan? he knew it was stan, but he didn't think about it being him that much. he was sad about stan not loving him back. kyle felt betrayed somehow, but it really wasn't stan's fault.

the doctor came in. "i was told that you coughed up flowers? flax linum? hanahaki?" kyle nodded. "i see. well, have me look at you." the doctor tried to look down his throat to see if he could find the bulb, he did, but it was small for the moment. "do you have the petals?" he asked. kyle gave him the soft but now dried up petals. he examined them for a time bit. kyle coughed again. more blood traced petals came out. he looked up at the doctor and started to shake. "help." kyle said before passing out once again.

"well, it is true, your son has hanahaki disease." kyle slowly woke up hearing their conversation. "i didn't want to believe it," his dad spoke. "b-but i guess it's true." ike sniffled. his mom was sobbing. "i'm sorry, broflovski's. but you know, there's always that surgery." his mom spoke up. "the last thing he'd want is surgery!" the doctor wrote that down. "it's your and his choice."

"i don't want the surgery. i'd rather continue living my fear."