philophobia [style]

mom

today, my mom drove me to school, only because she found out i didn't go yesterday when I was marked absent by my teachers. bullshit is what i say. well, at least fatass isn't going to be here today. maybe butters will say something to kenny. hope he does, maybe then kenny would protect him and make sure butters never gets that close to suicide again. i really don't want him to try again. but enough negative thinking, i gotta finish this math test.

if jacob has 2x balls, and chrissa has no balls, how many balls does jacob have if x equals 2,647,839,738? also, what would the answer be if jacob had 1/2 of his balls?

[ha i had fun writing that]

"balls..." u accidentally said aloud and kenny looked over at me and snickered. clyde sent me a look, and so did token and stan. i sighed and went back to the problem.

i wrote the long and unnecessary problem down in the workspace. i did the multiplication and got the ridiculously long answer of 5,295,679,476. wow. then the half would be 2,647,839,738. agh. it was an easy problem but the numbers were too fucking long. holy jesus.

--

"man... that math test was a dragggggg!!" kenny said, stretching out the word 'drag'. he was walking to the cafeteria with stan and i. he had his normal parka on, just today he had his hood down and we had no idea why. well, at least we could hear him better. his hands were behind his head while he carelessly walked down the hallway.

i didn't cough at all today, at least not yet. i really, really, don't want people to freak out. i don't like the attention. i'll have another panic attack. oh, i've also haven't had a panic attack in a while. well, if a while is a day. i still think this is a dream, this is fake, it's all fake. i hope its fake.

"kyle?" stan questioned waving his hand in front of my face. "are you okay, dude?"

huh. i must have been in deep thought.

"y-yeah. i'm fine. did you say something?" my first words to stan today.

he nodded. "kenny said he wanted to ask out butters today. i said it was stupid, but what do you think?"

i smiled. "go for it, kenny."

kenny smiled back at me, showing his slightly crooked teeth. "kyle's positive today. unlike some people on their man period." he whispered the last part. "hey!! i heard that!!" stan exclaimed while kenny laughed.

--

once we got to the cafeteria i got my tray and lunch then snook out. nobody noticed me luckily. i didn't want to eat lunch publicly, where people could see me accidentally cough up some flowers, so i hid in the boy's bathroom the furthest away from the cafeteria. i sat on the sink counter and pulled out my phone.

wow! the latest twitter drama is sooo amusing. "shane dawson called a pedo? oh no!! shane dawson got a new dog named honey? aw magod so cute!! shane dawson has a new sunday video series with only his hater?! oh no, but he's young and hot so yay!!" i mimicked the cliché tweets aloud.

"umm... hello?" i heard a boy say. i coughed up bloody flowers. i froze in place.

the petals rested in my clamped hands.
the stall door opened.
the blood was on my chin.
the boy showed himself.

"kyle broflovski?"