philophobia [style]

butters

[suicide mentions in this chapter] 

 "o-oh geez, kyle?" i looked up and saw butters. he had something shiny in his pocket, but i didn't question it. "w-what are you doing here?" 

---

my voice slightly muffled, i responded. "i just wanted to skip today." butters pushed the shiny object down further into his pocket, not able to be seen anymore. "o-oh, so did i." butters slowly walked towards me and sat down on the step next to me. i got a better look at him here, his eyes were the tiniest bit red, indicating that he was crying. his blonde hair was messy, like always. butters was still wearing that same turquoise jacket from fourth grade, and i mean the exact same one. he hardly grew since then, i'm guessing he hasn't gone through puberty yet. he was also wearing dark green pants with black vans. 

"want a pop tart?" i offered him. "s-sure." he grabbed it from my hands and started eating his own. a few minutes went by in silence, that was until i coughed up a few petals. i was really hoping i could hide it from butters, but he saw them immediately. 

"OH HAMBURGERS!" he exclaimed, quickly going to the step in which my feet were on. there was a long clank of an object falling. i didn't notice it until later. "oh, jesus kyle! are you okay?! oh god! you have h-hanahaki?" blood was dripping down my chin and onto the flower petals below. "i'm... i'm fine." i started shaking a tiny bit. 

i looked away from butters and saw a gun next to him. my eyes widened. "holy shit dude!" his head spiked up and looked at the gun. his eyes widened as well and grabbed the gun and shoved it into his pocket. i brushed the petals and the blood away. "is that yours!?" butters sat on the ground. "i-i-i um.. y-yeah, it's m-mine."

"why do you have a fucking gun?!" he looked down and mumbled. "i-i was going to k-kill myself." my eyes got heavy as i passed out.

---

"kyle? are you finally awake? y-you passed out." i heard butters' voice speak out. i lie on the first step, butters on the one above me. "so... you have hanahaki?" butters asked. "so... you came here to kill yourself?" i countered. he sighed. "i-i asked you a question first." i groaned.

"yes, i do. i've had it for two days now." i swallowed hard. "well, uh, who is it you love?" he questioned. i hesitated, still not believing myself. "st-stan." his eyes widened. "stan? oh, man, i thought you always liked jimmy." [jimmy? i mean, jimmy! dafuq would i like jimmy?!] he didn't question it further.

"why were you... you know.." he sniffled. "it was because of the pressure, man. i'm tired of getting bullied everywhere i am. i mean, i do like kenny, and i'm guessing he likes me back, but i'm too scared to make a move. i-i just wanted to end it all." i was shocked by everything. back in fourth grade, he made a suicide attempt by being pushed to the limit from doing everyone's deeds, but now its different. he's getting bullied, and he loves someone. "oh, butters. if you love someone and they love you back, then why would you die? i know kenny, and i guarantee that he will protect you, and be there whenever you need it." i reassured him. he smiled a bit, getting up and putting the gun by the exit, so he wouldn't mess with it anymore.

he came back over and hugged me. "thanks, kyle. i'll say something to him tomorrow." i hugged back and smiled.

i saved a kid from commiting suicide and got him to his true love.

i only have 28 days left. i already did something to make it count.