philophobia [style]

attack

i stayed home after the whole incident with craig and tweek. well, i stayed home for about a week or so.

i don't remember anymore. the days merge into each other and i can't pick apart what day was wednesday or thursday.

my condition has gotten worse. more blood. more flowers. more pain.

probably because i have at least twenty days left now.

but there's still a lot i want to do.
-tell tweek the truth.
-make sure butters is okay and see if he's really with kenny.
-tell stan i love him.
-tell stan, kenny, and cartman about my hanahaki and make sure they keep it a secret.
-the occasional things a teenager wants to do before they die.

i sat up from my bed and stretched. i wanna go to school today. i have no idea what craig could of been telling people about me. tell the whole school i'm gay? telling the whole school i love stan?

a familiar feeling came again. "n-no!! not this a-again!!" panic rose in me, filling my mind with thoughts. thoughts i didn't want. "make i-it stop!!" the situation played out in front of me. stan's reaction. disgust. anger. i started breathing heavily. i was falling.

i wasn't in my room anymore. i was in an endless abyss of my thoughts. "i don't w-want this! s-stop it!!" tears streamed down my face.

"i love y-you."

"...w-what? kyle, are you serious? hah! why'd you even bother?? i had a fucking girlfriend. what makes you think that i'd like you back?!"

"i-i mean i-"

"get away from me."

"stan i-"

"get the fuck away from me!"

it replayed over and over.

"what!?! kyle likes stan?!"

"yeah, but get this; he likes stan AND he has hanahaki! stan doesn't like him back!"

"holy shit! how'd you find this shit out craig?!"

"i saw him cough up the flowers. and it seemed obvious the past few days that he likes stan."

"damn! he's gonna be destroyed when he comes back!"

i shook my head. i grabbed my hair.

"hey kyle! i heard you got hanahaki! pwah! how'd you manage that?"

"who'd y-you hear that from!?"

"hmm... i heard it from cartman, but it all started up with craig. he stated that he saw you cough that shit up."

i want to go away. i don't want this stress anymore!! make it stop! make the thoughts stop! make them go away! make everything disappear!!!

everything stopped. i was back in my room. the thoughts stopped. my breathing slowed. my face was wet from tears. i coughed and hacked out the petals like usual.

even after this, i still want to go to school to see what going to happen. i got ready and headed off to the bus stop.

oof its been a while!! sorry about that! take a small chappie for now!! anyway, i still have some ideas on how the story should end, but its not close atm! sorry for any spelling mistakes, etc!