Everything is pushing me down.
I can't take much more.
I've seen how others cope with their problems and it makes me want to start.
I hate that.
I don't want to harm my body to calm myself.
But,
I want to so badly.
I was walking today and I saw a broken glass bottle and the only thing I could think of was taking a shard of broken glass, bring it home and clean it, then use it on me.
There is a part in my body that tells me I only want to do it so I can be like others, but another part is telling me that I may be doing what everyone else is doing, but it'll feel better.
I'll feel better
I need my boyfriend so badly.
We hardly talk
He sleeps all day
I'm at school all day
When he wakes, he doesn't text me and I have to wait.
He works like as soon as I get home and gets off at 2 in the morning.
I feel so stressed and broken. What do I do? I need him. He is the part of my life that has stopped me from hurting myself.
Whenever I think of hurting myself, I can only think of the disappointment on everyone's face. The disappointment on my boyfriends face.
I can't do it.
I want to snap and grab those Kitchen scissors and cut myself, but I don't. I haven't done anything of the sorts since the beginning of grade 8.
I'm doing so well! Yet I'm not.
I want to go to my friends and ask for help but something in me says no. I don't need their help.
I meant to write this to get out my feelings about my boyfriend hardly talking to me and look at what I talked about. Something that could actually be useful.
I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be like everyone else. But everyone else isn't what I want to be. I want to be me and only me.
