My stomach hurts so much.
You said the one thing I couldn't handle hearing.
It's hurts so much.
You said you wanted a break because we fight so much.
I don't want that at all.
If you want it fine.
But this hurts me so much.
When you said that you wanted a break I wanted to cry so badly.
I couldn't cry because I was in class.
Of all places.
The one day I needed you because I was having thoughts of harming myself you weren't there.
I had said I needed you.
And I said that I'm sorry for being depressed and needing my boyfriend.
Then you get mad at me.
You said your grandma needs help walking which I understand. But then you go and say something that makes me feel guilty.
You always Make me feel guilty.
I'm keeping an elastic around my wrist to stop myself from hurting so much.
I need you so badly
I need you in my time of depression.
And you aren't there.
You never are.
Wanna know how I deal with my depression?
I don't
I keep it inside
I hide it
I make myself cry because I think it'll help.
Nothing helps
Only you have helped and now you're not there for me
I need the one person my life counts on to be there for me.
But you aren't and now I'm suffering.
I don't know if people have noticed the look in my eyes when I don't get a text from you or when you say something that hurts.
I just don't know.
I want to feel pain so I'm not thinking about you
And not thinking you'll help me
I need some sort of relief but if I do
Everyone will find out and ask me what's wrong or why and I don't think I can do that.
I just can't.
I need you so badly in my life
Yet
You don't seem to need me at all
You have your best friend
You have all your friends
You have so many people to be around.
I don't talk to my best friend that much anymore
I have feeling in my guy that tells me to not tell my friends.
I have so many people who could help me yet I feel so alone
I need help but who's going to be there to help?
Not you that I can bet on.
