Guilt: A Fractured Minds Novel

Chapter Twenty-nine

I haven't answered anyone's calls or text messages for the past few days. Ever since I talked to Olivia I've been avoiding everyone I know because they'll ask what is wrong and I can't tell them the truth. I have a strong feeling that they wouldn't believe me even if I tried.

What time is it? I wonder pulling out my phone. Groaning I adjust the brightness before I check the time. 7:45pm. Along with all the missed calls and text messages I let my phone slip through my fingers. It thuds as it hits the carpet as if it was physically hurt by the action.

I stare at the ceiling as if it will tell me all I need to know, yet it remains passive. Unlike my emotions raging inside of me. As the reminders walk back into my mind that because of her death I feel empty. No more tears will fall from my eyes. Sitting up in my bed I sit up against the headboard. The fading light whispers a bitter goodbye as the mountains swallow it whole.

The funny thing is that I suspected as much and once I found the truth I desperately wanted to take it all back. I don't care to be right. I think while pushing myself off of my bed. Nudging open my bedroom door I walk down the hallway and to the bathroom. After turning the lock I look at myself for the first time in days.

Dull tired hazel eyes stare back at me before glancing up to the messy bun my hair was thrown into this morning. I just look exhausted. I think remembering Mother's words about getting more sleep would be healthier for me. Rolling my eyes at the thought I tear my eyes away from the mirror.

The tile looks old and the paint on the side of the cabinet is peeling off. The white walls only make this small bathroom seem smaller. A bar of white hand soap lays by the sink almost as if with one final push it would be gone. It's then I notice a bottle of pills laying out that wasn't there a few days ago. Picking it up I see that it is Zyprexa. Father must've taken some recently and forgot to put it back.

What is Zyprexa used for? I wonder as I pick up the bottle. Opening the cabinet I set the bottle back among the sea of colorful pills. Unlocking the door I allow the cabinet to close on its own. As I turn off the light and walk out of the bathroom I start to think, Do I dare research it? That is an invasion of privacy, but it could be important. Throwing caution to the wind I walk back into my bedroom while making sure to close the door. Picking my phone up off the floor beside my bed I sit down at my desk. Ignoring the notifications of texts and calls I look up Zyprexa on the internet. Typing in the name I wait for it to load and I instantly have a description of what the drug is used for.

Zyprexa

Generic drug name: Olanzapine

Zyprexa used to treat Schizophrenia, Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Mania, and Psychosis.

After that I stop reading. What does Father have? I don't exactly know anything about these mental illnesses. However I have heard of Depression and Bipolar Disorder in passing, but never have I fully understood what they are. Quickly I start my research and I found out:

Schizophrenia is a severe brain disorder that causes people to interpret reality abnormally.

Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness or hopelessness.

Bipolar Disorder is also known as manic depression and causes severe highs and lows in which affects sleep, behavior, and thinking.

Mania is a mental illness that causes overactivity or excitement.

Psychosis is a mental disorder where thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality.

None of these seem to be very good, I think as I reread all of them. Does it really matter? I think before closing all of my tabs. Turning my phone off I walk over to my bed before laying down on it. The glow in the dark solar system seems to taunt me with memories of her. Just looking around my own room memories of her have left fingerprints upon my mind.