Guilt: A Fractured Minds Novel

Chapter Four

Laying in bed I only had the motivation to get up to use the bathroom. After that I attempted to remember the remains of a dream. Flashes of light, laughter and music were the only things I could remember. After getting somewhat presentable I found my way into the kitchen and sat on the chairs. Laying my head down I let out a deep breath.
Knocking echoes through the empty house. Pausing for a moment the echo fades away before another round is pounding through the house like soldiers boots marching against the gravel. Groaning I lift my head from the cool countertop of the kitchen counter. Glancing at the pile of unclean dishes I let out a sigh before standing up. Another round of knocks assault the door. Walking into the living room I mutter an, "I'm coming." As I open the door only to have to the wind knocked out of my as heavy weight me to the hardwood floor.
    "Sorry Alex, I didn't see you there." He apologizes while pushing himself up on his knees. His green eyes are framed by his short brown eyelashes. A crooked nose and wide smile tell of his personality. A lock of his curly dirty blonde hair falls onto his forehead as he Looks down at me. Standing up he holds out his hand to me.Taking it he lifts me onto my feet and apologizes once again.
    "Ethan. How could you have not seen me there? Weren't you the one knocking on my front door so violently?" I ask brushing my honey blonde hair out of the way. The door behind him shuts and a soft voice calls out, "Ethan was leaning against your door again. Although we figured that you wouldn't answer if we only knocked once and it seems like we were right."
    "Now that does seems like you Kara."
    Kara laughs as she walks around Ethan's tall 6'4 frame. Her brown eyes flicker at me and then around the house. As she looks the house the light reflects off of her olive glasses. Her off the shoulder white floral dress ends at her knees and today she donned her blue converse shoes.
    "Are you home alone?" She asks as Ethan wanders off to the kitchen. Tapping my fingers against my thigh I glance around the living room. Walking over to the couch I sit down as Kara does.
    "Yes."
    "Is your mom working still and is you dad-"
    "My mother has been working a lot recently. I'm surprised she hasn't gone on a business trip these past few weeks."
    Her brown eyes show sorrow at my words as she links her fingers together in her lap.
    "Hopefully she won't be going on another one of those anytimes soon. What about your dad?"
    "He's still gone." I mutter not meeting her gaze. Suddenly I hear the fridge door shut and noise from the kitchen. Standing up before we can drive any deeper into the subject I walk over and peer around the short wall. Leaving Kara behind I watch as Ethan makes himself a sandwich. Rolling my eyes I walk up and sit at the counter. He looks at me only for his gaze to shift over me and a smile lights up his face.
    "I'm glad we didn't stay at my house any longer or else this would have happened to me." Kara mutters as she sits down beside me. Hearing her words Ethan laughs and finishes making himself an afternoon snack.
    Bread, ham and turkey, mayonnaise, mustard along with a bag of Salt & Vinegar chips lay across the counter. At least he put the knife in the sink I think as Ethan sits beside Kara.
    "I hope you don't care that I raided your fridge." He says before diving into the food he made himself. Kara steals a chip off of his plate and plops it into her mouth. Offering me one a decline before resting my head on the cool counter top.
    "Ethan you better clean up that mess once you are done eating." I nag closing my eyes. I can practically feel him smiling as he replies, "Yeah, of course I will."
    "Why did you two come over here anyways?"
    "Well, Ethan's mom kicked him out, so he walked to mine. Then we decide to drive over here."
    "My mom had a hose with her and was mad. Let's just say you don't want to get in between my mom and her cooking."
    "That's the story you decide to tell her? Really Ethan? I expected more from you." At her words he groans and she lets out a giggle.
    "In case you two forgot I'm still here. It's obvious that Kara likes-"
    "Alexandria! You know that I don't like him." Kara whispers to me. Opening my eyes I see Kara's red face as Ethan is continues to eat. Sitting up straight I feel my head pound with the headache that I once again woke up with. Slowly getting  up out of the chair I grab two tablets of Advil and swallow them down with water.
    Kara looks so embarrassed by what I said while it didn't even phase Ethan. I think while sitting back down.
    "Okay Kara. Whatever you say..."
    "What did Kara say?" Ethan pipes up as if he now realized we were talking. Rolling my eyes I start to explain, "Kara just said that-"
    "You know what? I don't think it's all that important what I said." Kara interrupts me giving me a hard smile. Ethan mutters whatever and picks up his now empty plate and sets it in the sink along with the rest of the dirty dishes. We watch as he cleans up his mess and opens the fridge.
    "You don't have to do that Ethan-"
    "Yes, I do Alex. I made the mess and I will be the one to clean it up." He says as she puts everything away. Closing the fridge he turns around. Leaning forward he puts all the weight on his forearms as he stares at us from the other side of the counter.
    "We need to get out of here. To put this bluntly, Alex you need to get out of the house. You look as though you haven't seen the sun in a few days." Ethan states before standing up and stretching. Turning to Kara I see that her eyes are still on Ethan. I nudge her with my elbow and I get nothing.
"Kara."
"Hmm?" She blinks before looking over at me, giving me an apologetic smile she says, "Sorry, I wasn't listening."
"Yeah, I uh, I noticed." I mutter as I scrunch my nose up in dislike. Sliding off the chair I turn at look at them both. Kara as pretends to pick at her bubblegum pink nail polish and Ethan as he steals glances at her when she's not looking.
Shaking my head I walk over to the couch and lay down. Still feeling slightly sick from yesterday I close my eyes. Why am I sick? Maybe it's because I haven't been getting the best of sleep the last few nights, but that happens to everyone. It would be nice if my mother was here because we'd watch a chick flick just like all the other times were sick. Since we weren't feeling well my father would tolerate us watching one. I think he felt guilty if he didn't. Sadly all of that has changed ever since Victoria disappeared.
No, I won't think about her. I can't because me worrying and crying about it won't bring her home to us. I think as I feel something warm and wet slide down my cheek.
"What's wrong Alex?" Kara asks noticing that I've gone quiet. Wiping the tear away I shake my head.
"Nothing." My voice comes out too soft and sad to be my own. Clearing my throat I try again. Kara and Ethan give each other looks as I sit up.
"I'm okay. It was just some memories I had thought of." Walking over to be Kara pulls me up and into a hug. Her soft brown hair brushes the side of my neck as she hugs me tighter.
"I'm sorry," Hearing those two words I let go. Pushing her away doesn't stop the flow of words coming from her mouth. "-but she's going to come back to you in due times." It'll all work out. It's going to be okay."
How many times have I heard those five words along with "it'll be okay"? I've heard it countless times in the past few months. What are they sorry for? The fact that my sister is missing without a trace or that we are dealing with this while the police continue to find nothing but dead ends? My sister isn't dead, so they should stop saying "I'm sorry". Licking my dry lips I close my eyes for a moment and imagine that I'm alone in the forest.
Inhale.
One, two, three, four.
Hold.
One two, three, four.
Exhale.
One, two, three, four.
Repeating this action I pause before opening my eyes. Ethan looks from me to kara then back to me. Unsure as to what to do he stands there shifting from foot to foot.
"I think Ethan is right. Let's go to the park." Kara announces as she walks to the front door and flings it open. Ethan jumps at the opportunity to leave the room. Rushing out the door he stops halfway down the driveway when he realizes that no one is following him. Kara leans on the door looking at me. Waiting for me to move.
"Well, are you coming?" She inquires fixing her glasses that had slipped down her small freckled nose. Looking behind her I see Ethan waiting, not daring to come back in knowing that he is safer outside. Smart, I thought focusing my attention back on Kara .
"I think I'll stay here. I haven't been feeling well recently and I need to sleep." I explain looking at my blue and pink nike socks. She lets out a breath of air as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders.
"That's what you said last time..." I stay silent knowing that she's right.
"Alex, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be cooped up in your house all day. Just come with us, please."
I shake my head slowly taking a step back into the cool air conditioned house. She looks at Ethan for a moment before turning her gaze back at me. Biting her lip while debating she then opens her mouth only to close it. Taking a step away from the door she looks at me one last time before walking down the cement steps. I watch as leans over to Ethan say something only for her to shake her head. They cross the street and walk into the park. Grasping the smooth doorknob I shut the door behind me. Leaning against it I slide down onto the floor and close my eyes.
"Where are you?" My voice echos through the empty house sounding like shattering glass. Running my hand through my hair it catches on on tangled and knotted pieces. Pulling my hand out of my hair I let it falls to my side.
Buzz!
Pulling my phone out of my pocket I see that my mother is calling.
"Hello?"
"Alex, I am so sorry."
"Why are you sorry?"
"I know that I said no more business trips, but another one has come up. I have to go. This should be the last one for awhile because I will be getting paid more." I feel the hole in my chest grow as tears fill my eyes at the thought of being alone. Not like it's very different from normal. At least then I see my mother once a day.
"Again? You said that last time you left. How long?"
"Two weeks."
Please don't leave me, I can't stand to be alone again." I beg as my vision blurs more.
"You know that I don't have a choice. If I could I'd be home all the time. This time I got ahold of your father, so you won't have to spend the night at Kara's again."
"What?" I ask as my hands grow clammy and my heart begins to pound in my chest.
"Your father is coming home to-" The phone slips out of my numb fingers and falls to the floor with a thud. No, this isn't happening. It's all one big twisted joke because he can't be coming home. He would never step foot in this house as long as he's alive. The memories are too painful for everyone in this family and it seems they avoid being home at all costs. And I can't seem to leave it.