Melt for me

Chapter Thirty Five

                                                                 **Jack**

                                                    Elsa, her name was Elsa.

I remind myself to breathe because hearing her name was more painful then I expected it to be. It was like a short stab to the heart but I can feel the knife twisting and turning its way out. Taking as much as it can away from me.  Just breathe Jack, the pain will go away. It almost always does but this time it dosen't. The pain of hearing her name out loud stays with me. Echoing in my mind and body. I force it down until I can numb it to a slight sting. Such is life.

North watches me through all of this, never saying a word. Just lets me work it out myself and I'm grateful for that.  I close my eyes, blocking out sound and thought. Just letting my steady breathing being the only thing I hear and think about.  When I open my eyes again I'm ready. I'm not sure what I'm ready for but I'm ready for it.

"Sometimes the greatest obstacle we have to face, is ourselves. Jack, you don't need to hold back from me. I'm here."  North is so sincere, not pushing me for information but leaving the door open, in case I do want to share. I'm grateful that he's not pushing me to talk about...about Elsa. But  I'm ready for it.  I have to be.

North  is well... North. I can't hide anything from him without feeling guilty. If I even try and lie to him, North stares me down like an angry mother who knows she's being lied to. Lets just say telling the truth to North is always the best way to go. 

I open and close my mouth not sure where to start. North sees my dilemma immediately;" Just start from the beginning." He gently urges me.  The beginning?  The first day when I saw Elsa.... when I first set eyes on her. When I thought she was a stuck up  Queen... heh. How far was I from the truth.

Everything about her the way she smiles and thinks, the way she looks at the world with a different view. They were all the first things I noticed about her. I didn't notice one thing at a time, I noticed and absorbed everything at once. I couldn't take it in fats enough sometimes. The very way she lit up when I asked her about Anna.  When she-  Right Jack focus on the beginning. The beginning...where it all started and then ended abruptly

I open my mouth; "I was flying... minding my own business...when a new island came into view. One I have never seen before."  The more I talk about Elsa the easier it becomes. I no longer wince when ever I mention her name or think back to those awful words she screamed at me.; "I'LL NEVER BELIEVE IN YOU AGAIN JACK."    I try and think of the happier times; when she showed me her work of art ice palace,  when we were cooking in the kitchen together, when she came out on the balcony on the night of the ball, shinning like the very north star she is.

I tell North all of thees things, some parts are hazy to me. Like a thick black cloud is making my brain go to mush, other things are easier to remember.  I skip over the part of me freaking out on Gavin at the pancake breakfast but make sure to highlight how I saved her from impending doom. North laughs when I tell him a funny story of me and Elsa, his blue eyes shinning bright. But looks grim when I start to get to the end.

My last moments with Elsa were not happy ones.

"And then they next thing I know she's screaming at me with the most...with the most unreadable face imaginable. It was hurt and confused all mixed together in a blend of emotions. I didn't know what to think or feel so I just took Tooth's advice and left." My hands are shaking as they go through my messy white hair.  "I mean what was I supposed to do? I was just told I was going to have to watch my girlfriend grow old and die. She would have never had a normal life North. Everyone would have thought she was crazy for talking to me because no one can see me. What... what kind of life is that?" My voice breaks at the end. "I should have fought harder, stuck with her instead of leaving her alone on that mountain side." I'm now pacing back and fourth, my hands waving in the air as I talk.