I'm soooo sorry I unpublished this!! My mom doesn't want any of my personal stuff online. But I cannot talk to anyone about this stuff! I know my friends hate when I focus too much on myself. Friendship is a mutual thing, you know?
Phoenix needs to learn that. The minute she enters a chat, it's all about her. Her shows her anime her issues. I don't care about that stuff. I've dedicated my entire life to making people happy. That people feel that they are worth it.
Rebel is the best at it, or she makes me think both of us are. When she feels down about something, I either see the situation in a different light or cheer her up. It makes me so happy when someone says, "You have no idea how much that means to me." Like if they don't know how much it means when someone says that. Just to know it meant something to them makes me so happy. I live on that.
I go to Ginger when it's more about my dark side. She won't open up a lot of herself though. I want her to. I'm kinda torn with her actually. She's a great person once you get to know her, just a lot of insecurities. When other people are around us, she just turns too serious or too immature. And I hate to admit it but I haven't been giving her a lot of attention at those times. I just think I need to be more in touch with my light side, around people who are more in touch with their light side. Ginger and I were very in touch with our dark ones. I found out it just made people feel like they can't do anything. It makes them feel sad and hopeless. I never wanted that for anyone. Just me.
So I figured if I am more positive, I can make people happier. I always stick up for Ginger when my friends are hating on her behind her back. That's the least I can do for her.
Then there's a gay guy. He's cool. He's a great cheerleader. Not an actual one, but he can cheer you up in a text or two. I have sorta grown distance from him since he is not in all of my classes anymore. I admit I had a platonic crush on this guy. You know when you REALLY REALLY want to be someone's friend. I got to be his friend but I'm not close to him at all...
Then there is someone else who got involved. Someone I was sort of labeled acquaintance because it seemed like he didn't care about something I did. I don't really want to even give him a name but like my platonic crush on him is all I can think about. Probably the reason I'm writing this entry. Let's call him... Jason. M'kay?
So once upon a time, I went to high school. I also inherited Rebel's ever-growing friend group. It attracted a bunch of people. We were loud, what can I say? Well, we attract this one guy.
I don't really know how he came in. I even gave him my number and I don't remember that! 😂 No question, first thing you notice about him, he's hot. I hate to admit anyone can be both attractive and sweet. Or perfect. My crush on him was immediate. He was so exciting and fun to be around. He was so adventurous too! He set his arm on fire to know what it felt like!! Jason was unlike anyone I ever knew. Friendly, sweet, daring, and visually appealing. And under that he really just wants a down to earth life. Wow!
Fast forward to when my friends and I go to a fear farm in October. Yeah, Jason's there too. We have to split up the 12 of us into 4 groups. Coincidentally, Jason is in my group.
The first encounter with a clown and I dart from the group. I just run forward, not even registering the turns I'm taking. I stop when I realize there are no more. Turns out I followed Jason the entire time. That's not embarrassing at all. I'm kinda glad I got stuck with him. In our group, there was me, screaming girl, screaming and falling girl, and Jason. He was the best option. I... kept following him. He looked like he knew where he was going!!
There was one time when we had to go through this... thing. It's hard to describe. Like two inflatable walls that were directly next to each other. I was so light, my body couldn't fit in between without being forced out. Jason had to drag me in between the walls. So embarrassing! Now I know how it's like to be a dragged jacket. My platonic crush intensified. Like I was desperate to be this guy's friend. I stuck by his side the entire night.
