JUST BREATHE (Rick Grimes Romance)

Chapter 11

People have always traded in single use transparency as far back as our history goes. In the days of a caveman who ever was the strongest took what they wanted. Later society threw people in dungeons, found it acceptable to toucher and behead on a whim. Fear mongering was acceptable behaviour as family, friends and enemies pointed at each other during the Salem Witch Hunts. We enslaved and beaten based on colour. Sold our daughters into marriage based on who paid the most and had the desired linage. We've killed, hated , obliterated and fought wars based on religion alone. More recently we trade in commodities such as money , stocks and bonds. Value was assessed based on your appearance of wealth . How many nice things you owned. We all would claim otherwise but if truth be told we were all jealous of a friend, an acquaintance or family member. At some point we all wanted what someone else had. Petty and childish we all squandered our wished on wasted desires. Before psychologist use to say it was just part of the human condition. Now....living here in this world..... It wasn't part of the human condition. In all actuality the human race has always been a greed machine hell bent on destroying what it should have loved.

Now....now things are same. I wishing could say that man kind has changed. That with all the destruction and loss we have learned something. Through it all we have banded together. Now blind to our differences and become one. No longer trading in any misinformed use. I wish I could tell you that but it would only be a misguided lie. The greed machine is ever present . It has changed its colour and put on a disguise. Nothing has changed it's just a different playing field. This world has killed the soft, destroyed the weak and twisted and changed the few honest. It has scared and maimed the survivors in ways yet to be discovered. One night after I first joined the group I overheard Rick talking to some of the others about Terminus. I've never found six words to be so undeniably true...."Kill the dead fear the living."

The only survivors left now could be placed into two types of people. The first group of people are unbalanced....dangerous....violent.....sadistic. They make mass murders look like teachers pets. They have their own set of rules and laws based on terror and domination. If you have it they will take it with force. They will attack unprovoked. Rape, murder and pillaging are simply a form of entertainment. The worst of societies underbelly now roaming free without reprisal. Set free to flourished and grow.

The second group of survivors were people like our group. Lost, struggling and unable to recognize the people we had become. Survivors because of chance and luck. Unable to deny the horrible things we've done. Not willing to face the horrible things we've done. Our fear has brought us together as it pulls us apart. Unable to lay down and die. Unsure how to give up.

It was so hard to open up and let people in and just not on a superficial level. Let them see in past the cosmetics to all your flaws and sharp edges. To acknowledge your weakness and failures. Even if you were sure they weren't working an angle to use you there was always the chance you would loose them. That death would come knocking on their doorstep taking them and a part of you. It was easier....safer to keep people at an arms length. Self preservation . That way the loss of them wouldn't kill you.

I was so surprised that rainy day when Rick opened up to me. Even more shocked at how much I needed him to let me in. I've always been a believer in the fact you don't need a man to make you happy. I still am but since that day I've felt more centred. Rather than just drifting I had been grounded by our connection. Nobody knew what had transpired between us that day or at least I hadn't said anything. I wasn't even sure if I wanted anyone to know. For now it was something that was just ours. Besides I really wasn't sure how Rick felt about it either as we hadn't been alone since.

After the herd had attract the other night there was so much damage to repair. As I went about my work every so often I would notice Rick would be looking at me. Where before he would walk away and ignore me he now stayed rather close. Instead of consistently finding fault with me he took time to show me. There was still tension between Rick and Julian. It was abundantly clear that the two of them couldn't stand each other. Neither of them making an attempt to hide their contempt. I know I shouldn't admit it but if Julian got to close to me Rick always found a reason to come to my side. You don't have to beat me over the head and explain how unethical it was that Ricks jealousy turned me on. There was just something about his caveman reaction that made me feel.....cherished.