i'm trying again
to write, i mean
so far.
i'm managing my studies
and her
so far.
i'm not thinking of you
so far.
i'm just scared right now
that what i'm feeling is all a lie
that nothing's actually okay
and the day that the mask slips off
is the day everything will be finished
destroyed; done for
i'm controlling myself
from breaking apart
so far.
i'm all smiles at her
i don't tell her the truth of my cries
so far.
i don't tell her how the thought
of everything falling apart
keeps me up at night
so far.
she's clueless - i think
i hope.
so far.
when she gets the clues,
oh god,
i should brace myself
for the day she'll end it all
maybe i'm too attached
for my own good
maybe...
maybe it's okay.
and the thoughts are just,
just resurfacing.
maybe my insecurities are at its best
maybe everything's fine
so far.
