Underneath My Skin

Ch. 39

Wanting him is hard to forget,

loving him is hard to regret,

losing him is hard to accept

even with all the hurt I've felt,

but letting go,

is the most painful yet.

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I wobble a little bit on the staircases, but I quickly compose myself by tightly grabbing the railing. I have come to the conclusion that I am far past capernoited.

My head is already starting the throb and my reflexes are extremely slow. I take a deep breath and continue up the stairs until I'm in Harry's room.

Tae is sitting on the bed with her head in her hands. She senses my presence and looks up at me.

She sighs. "I don't think you should be up here."

I cock my head to the side. Does it look like I give a motherfuck what she thinks?

"Where's Harry?" I ask, trying not to slur.

She sighs again. "On the balcony."

I nod and walk towards the bathroom but I am halted by her calling my name. I turn to face her.

"Did you know?" she asks.

My head throbs. "Know what?"

"Did you know about Niall and Abigail?" her voice is small and weak.

"Yes, but don't feel bad. I found out Friday or Saturday, or some day this weekend." I ramble.

She furrows a brow but nods.

I turn and walk into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. I see the balcony doors open. I slowly walk over to the doors.

As soon as I step out onto the balcony the cool September air slaps me in the face and petrichor fills my nostrils. 

Harry doesn't even notice that I'm out here. He stands in front of me, shirtless, leaning on the railing, starring down at the city below him.

I admire the way his shoulder blades are so elegantly carved into his tan broad back.

It's peaceful out here, despite the commotion of the ongoing city. It's almost strange that I can't hear the music from the party up here.

A cold chill runs down my spine. I look around the balcony expecting to spot Abigail, but I don't.

Maybe it's just the air.

I clear my throat. The muscles in Harry's back tense. My whole body ignites. He turns around to face me. He sees that it's me and turns back around.

What?

"Harry, are you alright?" I ask, taking a step closer to him.

He quickly turns back around. "Why now? Why did he wait so long to tell me?!" he yells.

I flinch at his unexpected tone. "I don't know. But at least he told you, right?"

He scoffs. "Right."

Even though it's dark, his tear stained cheeks and red eyes are prominent. 

He grabs by wrists hard and spins me around so that up against the railing. I gasp when the rail hits my lower back, hard.

Harry's eyes are dark and passive.

"I killed her. I could kill you too you know?" Harry barks. His voice is not the same, it's deeper and raspier.